tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9165593294713671162024-03-20T02:31:31.269-07:00This Tale to TellFarr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-31377425376075343382017-08-06T18:18:00.000-07:002017-08-06T18:18:37.640-07:00Band of Sisters<div class="MsoNormal">
As I mentioned before I was a little uneasy being alone for
the first time in Colorado and I had to sing a little hymn to quiet my nerves
when the lights went out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said a
little prayer and immediately felt a sense that I was not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt or maybe the right word is remembered
that I had guardian angels surrounding me. I could feel the peace they brought and
I slept…In fact I slept better than I had slept in a very long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was enjoying it so much that when my alarm
went off I shut it off and went right on sleeping for about 45 minutes longer,
because I could (ha ha).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had made a
list the night before of all the things I wanted to do while I had this
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt Heavenly Father had given me
some sacred time to grow and learn and I wanted to take full advantage of
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed to refocus my goals and
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So after my 45 minute nap (wink) I
jumped up, took my herbs, put a load of laundry in, turned on a little motab (I
love motab), juiced, made a green smoothie, changed, and headed down to read in
the only sun of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a little
cloudy out so I’m sure I looked a little crazy sitting out by a closed pool but
I got about 30 minutes before the clouds really came rolling in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My work out was great and just as I was about
to finish I received a text from the YW president in my ward inviting me to
join, via face time, our presidency meeting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was so good to hear about all the girls and feel apart of the ward
from far away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the people in my
ward and especially the Young Women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
knew this experience was going to help me gain so much that would help me in my
callings and every other aspect of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the meeting I headed up to my apartment, drank another
quart of juiced veggies, showered and got ready for the day, and began my
studies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been reading and
studying about the healing power of the sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The sun has been used for years to heal the body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“studies reveal that exposing patients to
controlled amounts of sunlight dramatically lowered elevated blood pressure,
decreased cholesterol in the bloodstream, lowered abnormally high blood sugar
in diabetics, and increased the number of white blood cells which people need to
help resist disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sunlight therapy
even increases cardiac output and oxygen carrying capacity of the blood. Patients
suffering from gout, rheumatoid arthritis, colitis, arteriosclerosis, anemia,
cystitis, eczema, acne, psoriasis, herpes, lupus sciatica, kidney problems,
asthma, and even burns, have all received great benefits from the sun.” (Heal
Yourself with Sunlight, by Andreas Moritz p.7)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also read how the places in the world where UV rays are greatest have
the lowest amount of skin cancer and most skin cancers occurs in people who
never see the sun and occurs in places on the body that don’t normally see the
sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This book was fascinating it<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>talked about how harmful to the body normal
sunscreen can be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am just barely
getting into how it helps rid the body of cancer but I did learn that UV rays activate
antibodies that attack tumors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I
guess my 20 minutes of sunlight should not be lightly dismissed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One other thing I found myself thinking a lot about was how
to get home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that 6 weeks was not
enough to get my baby here or get rid of the cancer, and I really didn’t want
to be away much longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I was
brainstorming every possible thing to help me get home and get healthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of those things included: how to make a
mushroom tincture (I had<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>some mushroom herbs
that had been used in many places of the world to help treat cancer and I needed
them made into a tincture) but how, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
also wanted to get a bill on the floor during <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>government session in Utah,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to start contacting people in DC
about what it would take to reschedule Cannabis. It is a schedule 1 drug, which
means it is defined as having no medicinal value or benefit and no money can be granted to study any
positive effects it could have…only negative ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no idea what any of this would in tale
or even what it looked like and I’m afraid my week at Idaho Girls State was not
sufficient in preparing me. I was planning on going to California at the end of
6 weeks and I needed a place to live and a medical card.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was very stressed about food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew when I came home I would be eating
totally different and I wasn’t sure if I knew how to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed to find good healthy recipes that
met my eating standards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was feeling
overwhelmed…I shared this with a few members of my family and they suggested we
divide and conquer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By 9:30 pm I had a
great team of brilliant women on a conference call ready to help me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This group included my mom, sisters, sister-in-laws
and two close friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These ladies are
some of the most talented and strongest women I have ever met and they all had
different talents, which proved so helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I shared with them my desires and wondered if any of them had
connections or ideas that could help me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was all I had to say- in the next few
minutes we a had a plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Natalie,
Whitney, and Amy agreed to start writing a letter about a bill and research the
path to getting a medicinal card. Lisa was going to start compiling healthy
recipes, Niki was going to do some research on making a tincture and relay the
info to me so I could make it (I had very spotty internet if I had any most of
the time), and Crystal, Angie, and Amanda asked me if there was anything at
home I was worried about…I was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bryant
was in a challenging math class and often needed some extra help and his
12th birthday was coming up and I wanted to make it special even though I
wouldn’t be there on the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Crystal</span> agreed to call home and help Bryant with his math (Crystal graduated with a BA in Math Ed.),
Angie was going to design Bryants Birthday invitations and Amanda was going to
check at home with mom to see what her needs were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt so loved and I knew that the part in
my blessing given from Shaun had just come to pass as I felt love from family
and friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a huge weight taken
off my shoulders and I saw how “through small and simple things are great
things brought to pass” Alma 37:6. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
was my Band of Sisters and I was so grateful for them.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-18435482468028631832017-08-06T17:58:00.000-07:002017-08-06T17:58:39.574-07:00Colorado or Bust<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">September, 2014</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.38; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.38; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As soon as I arrived home from Las Vegas, </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: medium; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mom was there waiting for us. </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Since I had decided on my trip that I would use cannabis, I made plans to move to Colorado for 6 weeks and juice cannabis leaf. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I decided to Juice the leaves initially because as I studied cannabis I learned about a Doctor from California named <a href="https://cannabisinternational.org/wordpress/index.php/resources/">Dr. William Courtney</a> who had studied cannabis in its raw form for years and found it to have huge dietary benefits/ preventative qualities, and some studies showed that juicing also had the ability to cause apoptosis (death) of some cancer cells. Studies showed Juicing the cannabis leaf help all 210 types of cells function more effectively, it's an anti-inflammatory, it's loaded with antioxidants, a complete protein, improves bone metabolism, boost neural function, and even has a perfect balance of Omega 3's and 6's. It is completely non-psychoactive, this is because it doesn't have the psychoactive form of THC in it. It only has the acid form which is THCA and studies show qualities that this in fact would help strengthen my immune system. After all my studying I knew that this was what I needed/wanted to do. </span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Colorado was obviously my best option as far as legal states. Besides being close I could juice there legally immediately because it is a recreational state. The biggest reason however was that we had been connected to a grower who was able and willing to give us leaves to juice. They are typically thrown away because juicing is not something that very many people know about or do because it provides no high and has no immediate pain relief. The Juicing of cannabis leaves was a very new concept so finding a grower that was willing to take the necessary steps to legally give me leaves was such a blessing. </span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ZXBExWo3qMMX4yYgVhJ5DiDkDn_nME1wxO0vszUb1TjuzIrj77f2LHeHoCoYVrCRAsru1KlV_QSHWarmMD6lUUni1Vvtm0wTeov3zVUkZUTRM61HGos8mnILw6Beex-M0qBopHsKH3kF/s1600/IMG_0682.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5ZXBExWo3qMMX4yYgVhJ5DiDkDn_nME1wxO0vszUb1TjuzIrj77f2LHeHoCoYVrCRAsru1KlV_QSHWarmMD6lUUni1Vvtm0wTeov3zVUkZUTRM61HGos8mnILw6Beex-M0qBopHsKH3kF/s320/IMG_0682.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These Leaves would yield about 1.5 oz. of juice</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I packed my bags and I was off. I decided to take Lincoln (my 3 year old) with me so I wouldn’t be lonely and things would be a little easier for mom and Shaun. Shaun drove us to Colorado and helped us get settled. He could only stay one night because he had a business trip in Texas the next day. We were so busy getting the apartment set up, shopping for food, meeting with the grower, and making sure I had everything that I didn't even have time to think about what was really happening. When tomorrow came and he flew away I had a flood of emotions: anger, loneliness, hope, gratitude, and LOTS of FEAR!! I just sat in the car with Lincoln and cried a good long cry.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSW8CLHKDLyErP7X_xVwpRWrJYnUh8fuf0yE6Ju4eDKI6iep_PlEMC2lITEeCW3IJ69BZw-EIRZZcUdsmDLFxWXnIDD_gl_TfeDikAsnG5Kxpn-hGPY8Swhgz4zfC-fEE1Rdn6hEm2npYD/s1600/IMG_1480.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSW8CLHKDLyErP7X_xVwpRWrJYnUh8fuf0yE6Ju4eDKI6iep_PlEMC2lITEeCW3IJ69BZw-EIRZZcUdsmDLFxWXnIDD_gl_TfeDikAsnG5Kxpn-hGPY8Swhgz4zfC-fEE1Rdn6hEm2npYD/s320/IMG_1480.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All Packed Up</td></tr>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The apartment I was staying in belonged to a friend of Rachel’s. She was currently on her own journey with cannabis. She was going to be gone for 6 weeks and said as she left her apartment, she had the thought, “Is my house clean? I have a feeling someone is coming to heal here.” Later that day, Rachel called her about me and she immediataley offered her apartment. It was perfect.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit_lapdAApftbku3ssQHrKKeuQSjGcjOdCsHmMfoSv0C-0YI53iAb0k_DZEeYLjbXgwKbRkTTdoWey8_5QPJzomBSVTwFrJ7LrzS_wbNLAOQRpAZpgM1862FQWy4eddZPl3bDmEwh0ayj0/s1600/IMG_2042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit_lapdAApftbku3ssQHrKKeuQSjGcjOdCsHmMfoSv0C-0YI53iAb0k_DZEeYLjbXgwKbRkTTdoWey8_5QPJzomBSVTwFrJ7LrzS_wbNLAOQRpAZpgM1862FQWy4eddZPl3bDmEwh0ayj0/s320/IMG_2042.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Colorado Apartment</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first Sunday was a terrible day. I woke up all alone and had to pack up my little boy and find where the church was. No one knew me; I wasn’t sure if I wanted tell anyone what I was doing in Colorado, not because it was wrong but because I didn't know if they would judge me and I didn't have the emotional strength to explain it to everyone. It felt odd knowing this would be my life for a while. Lincoln was so excited to meet friends but I didn’t want to meet anyone. Here I was, walking into church, pregnant, with a kid, and my wedding ring doesn’t fit...Awesome. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It didn't take longer than the opening song to realized that church was exactly the boost I needed. Taking the sacrament, hearing people’s testimonies, and yes even meeting new people provided the strength to get through the week. Everyone was so kind and I never once felt judged. Going to church and being part of a ward family turned out to be one of the greatest blessings to both me and Lincoln throughout our stay.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBdaT_msugvDKphWESgLx5nCijUU2geXe1b9FhyqJEZQUEaFAdl_VquRl1uwSHos8pNztL16tZ3UBqWSUd4ZJPFT2CYMjuD-yczR_wZgPx5h0_baw78vrrKuzbIN3qsFVwFeSHl3CzMR0q/s1600/IMG_0694.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBdaT_msugvDKphWESgLx5nCijUU2geXe1b9FhyqJEZQUEaFAdl_VquRl1uwSHos8pNztL16tZ3UBqWSUd4ZJPFT2CYMjuD-yczR_wZgPx5h0_baw78vrrKuzbIN3qsFVwFeSHl3CzMR0q/s320/IMG_0694.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A visit to the Denver Temple Grounds</td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lincoln and I settled into a routine. Breakfast in the morning, cartoons on the iPad (if we could get service) while I juiced for 90 minutes and made green smoothies and all the drinks for the day. We’d get ready, eat lunch, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I WOULD</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> sit by the pool for my 20 minutes of sunlight </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lincoln waded around up to his knees in the closed kiddie pool and ran around chasing the squirrels. Then Linc would watch another video in the corner of the gym while I exercised. We’d come back home and I would do an enima (did I just say that) while he snacked and played with blocks or cars or colored in coloring books. After this we would usually run errands. We had to go to the store to get produce every other day for juicing and we would also have to pick up my leaves.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY56ktcxzasg0o_fe6olDPtDkLtf47eprOgljEHzEa0K2zT3jBc24sfctH9j6o9IN9V3hHE8JozJ6NRnSgfSrM6NnLhyphenhyphen1KlFsDNWi27yhQnGb8zGV_yoKvgaiO8j2KCx2DJVGczXCgBCN3/s1600/IMG_1671.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY56ktcxzasg0o_fe6olDPtDkLtf47eprOgljEHzEa0K2zT3jBc24sfctH9j6o9IN9V3hHE8JozJ6NRnSgfSrM6NnLhyphenhyphen1KlFsDNWi27yhQnGb8zGV_yoKvgaiO8j2KCx2DJVGczXCgBCN3/s320/IMG_1671.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Green smoothies, Beets, Carrots, and Celery</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO3OZHF_HenCxLmg0dPGD6xlgJW0AUl613kVk2qn0K8yw7DQyLR6CGEfStYzaBmVOwCEAZ3o1b6OVA04booZpqpWzH_9OZ5a4_3v8-qSICZMPW0bMSdL2Elmlmpew7v9ypc6krr0iesZA2/s1600/IMG_0680.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO3OZHF_HenCxLmg0dPGD6xlgJW0AUl613kVk2qn0K8yw7DQyLR6CGEfStYzaBmVOwCEAZ3o1b6OVA04booZpqpWzH_9OZ5a4_3v8-qSICZMPW0bMSdL2Elmlmpew7v9ypc6krr0iesZA2/s320/IMG_0680.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lincoln playing with his toys</td></tr>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After only a couple weeks, Lincoln began wanting to go home. The schedule was boring him, he wanted to see his brothers and Dad, play with his toys and sleep in his own bed. It made me sad that he wanted to go home, but admittedly I often felt frustrated and guilty when he didn't want to do the things I needed to do. I felt bad he was having to live this crazy life with me. We met a cute couple at church who lived in our complex. They were so sweet and had a boy Lincoln’s age. Lincoln played there a few times and that was really fun for him. I hoped that would help break up the monotony enough to get him to stay but he still wanted to go home.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I half heartedly began searching for a plane ticket for Lincoln. I knew we needed to save money and I was nervous about sending him home because I wasn’t there and he was so little. What if he changed his mind once he got there? I was also worried about Mom doing everything plus taking care of an active 3 year old. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After talking it over with Shaun, Mom and Heavenly Father...I had made my decision. I was going to put Lincoln on a plane back to Utah. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">...........</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started looking more intently at flights. Lincoln would talk about going home everyday...he was so excited. Shaun was actually coming out on Friday the 26th but the flights were really pricey less than 2 weeks out. I was praying that something would open up. I had a friend that was flying from Denver to Utah in just a couple days and the flights with his airline were slightly cheaper but still $400. So I passed it up. Another good friend of mine, Lisa, had a brother who is pilot for Delta and his headquarters where in Denver but his family lives in Utah. He offered to give Linc a standby ticket and be his escort. It worked perfectly since he was flying standby also and Deltas rules required minors to be accompanied by an adult who worked for Delta. It seemed perfect and even better it was only $80..woot woot. We were so excited. I thought that was the spirit confirming our decision but maybe it was just the cheep bone in me rejoicing. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">So the day came...September 24th, Linc was so excited. We packed up his bag and he kept saying how he felt bad I was going to be in Colorado all alone and that he was going to miss me but he really wanted to see his brothers and Dad. I assured him I would be fine and that we could FaceTime everyday. I won't lie I was dying a little at the thought of not having him with me but it was time for him to go home. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">We were meeting Greg at the airport for the 2:50pm flight. Greg had told us that it was not a guarantee that we would get on, but I had full confidence that this was the right thing to do and besides Shaun and I had used buddy passes when we were dating many times and not once had either of us not made it on a flight. Surely we would get on today. Well we missed getting on the 2:50 flight barely and we were now waiting for the 5:45pm flight. Greg was so great...he could have gotten on 2 or 3 other flights home with other airlines, which is what his co-workers did, but he waited patiently with us. I heard him talking to his wife and come to find out his son was getting his Arrow of Light that night at 7pm...The 5:45 flight was going to be a stretch. Well we watched the flight and it looked really good. Lincoln had fallen asleep so I was just hanging out studying. </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJO-shXwplWMkzZ595uit98hWU_nqu41GYUhnCCoAq0B581qzPNVhSz16q2Zt7HrYM0mAqxMGiOY6ynbrMbJjkea-QKBkxNKZTTD-tA_n1Bk2EtbmIQGkYUWVgzTBlbPlhsDVirUa6AUxi/s1600/IMG_1648.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJO-shXwplWMkzZ595uit98hWU_nqu41GYUhnCCoAq0B581qzPNVhSz16q2Zt7HrYM0mAqxMGiOY6ynbrMbJjkea-QKBkxNKZTTD-tA_n1Bk2EtbmIQGkYUWVgzTBlbPlhsDVirUa6AUxi/s320/IMG_1648.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lincoln waiting patiently to Fly Hone to see his Brothers</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">While waiting I received a phone call from Bryant. He was struggling with a few decisions that needed to be made and me being gone required sacrifices of us all. It was an emotional moment for us both. I tried desperately to be strong for him, both of us trying to recognize the lessons Heavenly Father was trying to teach us, and me trying to not look a mess in front of Greg and everyone else at the airport. We talked it all over, made some phone calls and seemed to come to a conclusion that was mostly satisfying. Then I had the strongest impression to talk to Bryant about turning to the Savior for comfort and strength. I knew that this was not going to be the last time and probably not even close to the hardest thing he would deal with in the coming months and years. I would not always be able to make it better and sometimes it will seem no one can, but I knew the Savior could. I told him that I was getting the same crash course and when I turned the Savior I found my greatest peace. We talked about the steps we could both take when we are feeling lonely, lost, confused,etc... It was such a sweet conversation and tender mercy for us both, but the ache in this mothers bones to hold and be there for my son was real. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Meanwhile back at the airport the flight was fast approaching, we were still on the list and looking good. However about 10 min before we were to board 3 people who were on the 7pm flight showed up and asked if they could switch their tickets to the earlier flight...BAM just like that our flight was gone. I tried so hard to just smile and say it was fine as Greg prepared to board his flight. He had a seat in the cockpit on the jump seat. I went over to the ticket counter just to make sure there was nothing I could do, I even asked if I could just buy a ticket but the flight was completely full. When the ticket counter realized the situation they were so sympathetic and tried so hard to make it happen but it was no use. Greg flew away and unless there was another employee of Delta that was willing to escort Linc to Salt Lake there was no way for him to get on the next flight either. They told us to wait a bit while they worked to see what they could do. In the mean time I went over to Lincoln who had just woken up and his first words were, "Mommy is it time for me to get on my plane and fly home and see Daddy?" I told him that the plane was too full and so he was going to get to stay with me for awhile longer. He immediately started crying. Are you seeing this pathetic sight...? Highly emotional pregnant mom, 3 year old son sobbing and saying, "I want to go home" over and over, pregnant mom not making eye contact with anyone while trying to quickly gather her things, and quiet her son by offering anything that would make staying with me sound more fun. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The guy at the ticket counter grabbed us on our way out and told us that he had worked out a way for Lincoln to get a ticket on Shaun's flight home on Sunday for the cheapest ticket price of $200 along with refunding our standby seat. I was so excited and bought it immediately. As we walked off we heard them call for Lincoln Farr as a standby passenger for the 7pm flight. I asked practically out loud, "What am I possibly supposed to learn from this? I've been humbled to the ground what more do I need to do?" Leaving the airport my feelings were a good mix of exhaustion, frustration, anger, and a little gratitude for the ticket. Back at the apartment as I was fixing us some dinner and watching Lincoln play with his toys and I saw him smile, a peace came over me and I thought, I have no I idea why all of this happened today or why any of it has to happen at all but it did and Tenille you can "Be Still and Know that I am God." <span style="background-color: yellow;">I realized he is in the details and I need to have faith and Be Still just as I had admonished Bryant to do this very day.</span> As I went to bed I was so grateful to have that little man next to me to snuggle one last night and felt the comfort of the Savior coming and and giving me the strength to fight again tomorrow with greater Faith and Love. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was like Christmas Eve Anticipating Shaun's arrival. What a ray of sunshine he brought to both Lincoln and I. It was so great...and he did all my juicing, made my healthy meals, we went to the movies and out to dinner, we talked about all the things going on at home and prayed together about our future moves, we went to church and then just like that it was over. I was off to the airport to see them go. But his visit was so energizing and reminded me of all the things at home I was fighting for. So even though that first night alone in the dark of my apartment I had to sing a hymn to get to sleep I was ready to face tomorrow.</span></span><br />
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-14293481260352246022016-02-09T11:46:00.000-08:002016-02-09T11:46:30.718-08:00Cannabis in Utah: Why I'm not worried<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As many of you know, I have been working to help Senator Madsen pass the medical Marijuana bill in Utah. I used cannabis oil after discovering I had Hodgkins Lymphoma in August 2014. I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time and was trying to keep my cancer from growing long enough to get my baby here safely. I left my family to live in Colorado and California so I could legally treat myself with cannabis. During this time I studied, attended conferences, talked to many doctors across the country, spoke with church leaders, and met many patients who have used cannabis to successfully treat their medical issues. I realized this plant has been hugely misunderstood and abused. It is an amazing medicine that we need desperately. Here are a few things I experienced first hand about medical cannabis:</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-2cbdb04a-c78c-bc94-d369-d3313dc36679" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*Cannabis can help dramatically with pain, appetite, sleep, and nausea without the side effects and extreme addiction of opiates and many prescription drugs. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*It is impossible to overdose on cannabis (and in the pain medication world, that’s really saying something). </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*Smoking is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">the most ineffective way to use cannabis</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Smoking it puts harmful substances into your body and burns alot of the medicine off. But there are many safe and powerful ways to use this plant-- as an oil under your tongue, in a capsule or tincture, as a salve to rub on your joints or cancerous sun spots, as a powder in your bath before bed to help with insomnia, as a food or vapor for pain relief, as a juice, and much more. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Contrast that with chemotherapy, which I am currently on. Chemo can kill cancer, and I am so grateful for that. But it also kills all my healthy cells, compromises my immune system, hurts my lungs, heart, and liver (and a host of other things), and causes me severe nausea, constipation, insomnia, mouth sores, and neuropathy. To counter these side effects, doctors prescribe many different kinds of addictive drugs (including synthetic heroin and opiates) that cause MORE constipation, severe stomach aches, and are </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">highly addictive</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. And according my oncologist, sometimes they don’t even work. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Think of that for one minute. We prescribe and take harmful, addictive, and deadly drugs without a second thought-- simply because they have a sticker with a doctor’s name on it and come in an expensive bottle. And cannabis--which is not deadly, and is only as addictive as caffeine for most people, and has been a medicine since the beginning of time for every doctor or medicine man in the world-- is not available to us. And coincidentally, cannabis helps nausea, appetite, neuropathy, insomnia, and constipation.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cannabis has worked miracles in my life. This is why I have fought a roller coaster of a fight for its legalization in Utah. On Friday, that roller coaster took a new turn. I learned that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints opposes Senator Mark Madsen’s Medical Cannabis bill. The official statement was... “As we have said during previous legislative sessions, there are a number of potential impacts that must be considered in any discussion about the legalization of medical marijuana, including balancing medical need with the necessity of responsible controls. Along with others, we have expressed concern about the unintended consequences that may accompany the legalization of medical marijuana. We have expressed opposition to Senator Madsen’s bill because of that concern.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For this reason I am taking a step back and will not be advocating for the bill at this time. I would like to explain why. Do I still believe in cannabis? YES. Has it blessed my life? YES. Was it right for me to take it? YES. Do I still want it to be legalized in Utah? YES.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">However, I will trust the leaders of the church who feel like now is not that time or at least a little bit slower approach is necessary. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.2; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Following the prophet has not always been popular or easy. It has not always made immediate sense. But I trust it is </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">always right</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Throughout my entire journey I have made decisions others do not agree with. I have had to rely over and over on the spirit and not worry about what people thought about me, or who I was disappointing, or who I would like to please. There are many things I don’t understand about politics or policy, or how religion plays into them. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my journey with cancer, it is how to follow the spirit. That’s what I’m doing now. </span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know cannabis has much to offer the medical world and strongly believe the church feels the same way. I support those who are still fighting for the bill, but I simply have to trust that for some reason right now the Lord is asking </span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">me</span><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> step back. Maybe to test my faith; maybe to protect us from “unintended consequences” that a prophet of God sees better than I. Whatever the reason, I have learned so much. I will continue to educate others about cannabis and pray that the appropriate time for medical cannabis in Utah comes sooner rather than later. I am disappointed that time is not now. But I’m not worried. I’ve seen too much to doubt God knows what He’s doing. </span>Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-64873077603736088112015-11-18T20:10:00.000-08:002015-11-18T21:17:13.801-08:00Las Vegas: Going Home<b id="docs-internal-guid-2bdbdcb6-1fba-5ffb-0ec2-368e79353d1a" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">September 8, 2014</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On Monday morning we met Rachel at her store to pick up all of the herbs. She did some "face reading" on all of us and prescribed the herbs we needed according to the lines and colors on our faces. It was fascinating. It took us a few hours (much longer than we had planned on being there). When we had finished, Rachel took a phone call in another room. When she returned she said, “I know why you guys are still here. My friend, a tibetan monk, just called me and said, “Ok, I’m in Las Vegas. What am I doing here?” Rachel told him he had been led there to help me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.38; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He came right over to the store and I learned a little of his story. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">When he was younger he played on a professional soccer team in a south american country. One day the team was traveling through a terrible storm on a windy mountain road. The bus slipped off the road and rolled. Many on the bus died and he was severely crushed and injured. His parents immediately took him to Tibet to be healed- and while he was there recovering, he learned the art of </span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">healing</span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> himself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When he came to the store he did this amazing acupuncture on my back with these little patches that ran on batteries. They felt so awesome. My back was in really bad shape from the drive down (my discs were bulging) and it was just what I needed. He took all of my back pain away.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After that he checked all of my meridians and energy lines and organs. He balanced my organs with the right energy. My liver and kidneys, for example, were deficient in good energy. I could feel it. He did this test on my kidneys that I could only perform all the way after he was done working on me. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then he talked about angels. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He talked to me about my aura. He asked, “Have you recently lost a grandparent?” I said, “Well, Grandma Fairbanks died not too long ago.” He said, “I think she’s here. Well, actually, you have lots of grandparents here. Have you lost a baby?” I said, “I’ve had a miscarriage.” He said, “I think he’s one of your main protectors.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He told me, “You’re totally going to whip this cancer, you’re going to live! You’re going to beat this. He said, “Go to the mountain. Often. Touch it. Walk in the water.” </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">He talked to me about how there is so much power within my body to heal myself. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After we said our goodbyes, we were back on the road. As we got into our car it started to downpour. About 45 minutes out of town Traffic stopped. The road closed because it had been damaged in the storm. We kept thinking, “What is the purpose in this?” During the stop, people were getting in and out of their cars and chatting with each other. One woman approached our car to exchange small talk. In the conversation she casually told us about a pill called Military Micronutrient Formula that her friend used to cure her Hodgkins Lymphoma. I started crying, then told her I have Hodgkins. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I remember thinking that Heavenly Father was aware of me. It was such a big deal to me to consider cannibas. So all of these little details and miracles were testaments to me that this was His will. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After 2 hours of waiting they turned us all around. We stayed in the Trump Tower that night and I was so happy to eat from their clean menu- everything organic and cage free. The next day we finally made it back home.</span></div>
Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-14572416853286707592015-09-17T08:40:00.000-07:002017-01-23T15:35:06.276-08:00Las Vegas: A Change of Heart<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">September 7, 2014</span></div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.38; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I went to bed on Saturday with a very heavy heart. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">How could I even think about using cannabis? </span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">What was I even doing here? We had felt so good about coming; we felt like we had really been led here...but I couldn't wrap my mind around how this could possibly be right. On Sunday</span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I woke up and my head was still whirling. I was really hoping to get answers soon. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We went to <a href="https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng">church</a> that morning fasting and praying for direction. It was honestly one of the nicest wards I’ve ever been to. Everyone introduced themselves to us and helped us find our seats and were so welcoming. After church we met the stake president’s wife, Melanie (names changed). She has 6 kids and was just called to be the Primary President. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, and she was using cannabis to fight brain cancer.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I couldn't believe it. Here we were, fasting and praying about cannabis...we walk into church and meet the stake president's wife who was using it. It seemed too big of a coincidence to not be a sign that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my questions and concerns. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I felt a bright goodness about Melanie as she briefly told me her story. Her brother is a doctor at the Mayo clinic so her entire family was very medically minded and against the “natural” way of healing. She talked about the importance of energy work, faith, and forgiveness in healing. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">She told me how every week her husband would drive their family to California so she could go see a special natural healing doctor. The doctor asked her, “Why do you want cancer? Something in your life has attracted this.” At first she was offended that he would suggest she wanted the cancer. But then she began to seriously consider if there really was a hidden part of her that wanted it. She could see things her life that probably did attract the disease. She said to me, “Your journey with cancer was going to be amazing. Be very grateful for it.” I was actually glad that someone was excited about it- it gave me a lot of hope. She said, “We decide on a cellular level if we will triumph. You must use the atonement on a cellular level.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That night, Melanie and a few other ladies came over to Rachel’s and we did a one minute group meditation. This was new for me-- I can't say that I've ever meditated before. She asked us to picture a bright light coming out of us. I could </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> get a light out of me. I couldn’t form the picture in my head. She asked us to share our experience and I admitted it was hard for me to picture it. I could get sparks but not a lot of light to flow. She said as I practice I would get better at it. (It could also mean there are blockages I need to work through.)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then she pulled out all of these yummy treats and foods that I could actually eat. I was so excited. There was beet kvass (I drank a whole quart), kambucha, and Rachels daughter made these amazing no bake cookies and baked potatoes that were so wonderful. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: arial; font-size: 18.666666666666664px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I met so many great women at Rachel's. Normal women, like me. Wives and mothers. Women who loved God. Women who struggled with health and had found help in something called cannabis. At the end of that night we had felt like Heavenly Father had really answered our prayers. I went home knowing that this was the direction I was going to go. </span></div>
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-11027327927731984202015-02-27T10:39:00.002-08:002015-09-17T08:47:52.097-07:00Las Vegas: Learning About Cannabis<b id="docs-internal-guid-9266df39-c9e5-2114-4c4b-728d84db93b7" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Saturday. September 6, was another full day of amazing. It started out with an amazing healthy breakfast of raw oatmeal and eggs made by Amy. Then back to the store to meet with Rachel and Becky where we learned about some natural herbs and how to make them into tinctures. Rachel and Becky continued their education on things that help strengthen the body so the body has the tools and ability to heal itself. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Then Rachel sent us to her daughter's house to learn about food. We learned so much there. She shared with us healthy alternatives to many foods and yummy treats that are healthy. She said, "Remember not to be afraid of food if it’s given to us from God. Just eat food from the earth." She shared good substitutes for sugar, pastas, breads, ice cream, and then later she brought us some no bake cookies that were made out of all healthy things. They were so good! </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">After that we went back to Healing Waters for our second day of detox/healing. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">That </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">evening</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> there was a meeting at Rachel’s store called “What if Cannabis Cures Cancer." Rachel had mentioned earlier a "cannabis leaf" that when juiced, had shown amazing results with many diseases including cancer. I didn’t even know what she was talking about when she said cannabis. I thought it was just another herb like yellow doc root that I had never heard of before. I was star struck at her extensive knowledge and life experiences. Amy and Niki and I looked at each other, buzzing about what cannabis was. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then we realized that what she was talking about was marijuana. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Holy cow,” I thought. “Does she think I am going to do drugs? Could this really be true?” All of the sudden the confirmation I had received yesterday was in question all over again. “How could this be the right path?” We decided that we needed to listen and really try to have an open mind and listen hard for the spirit to guide us. I kept thinking, "The whole time I have been here I have felt the spirit so strongly confirming everything this amazing woman has shared with me. When I look into her eyes, I see nothing but goodness and light. How could she be suggesting I take marijuana??" I wan’t sure if I wanted to be stretched that much. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There were a lot of people at the meeting. Some who had some amazing stories of how cannabis has saved them. Others were there just like us-- wondering and learning about this plant that some are claiming to have amazing medicinal properties. We watched a movie </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and it was incredible and eye opening! It had doctors and scientist talking about the history of this plant and how it was used for years by every doctor around. It was even used for colicky babies. We learned about how it became outlawed and all the media and hype that quickly turned it into an evil and scary drug. It showed all the properties and makeup and how it works in our body. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We also learned about the many different ways to take it. I had assumed that the only way to take marijuana was to smoke it. But there are so many forms: juicing the leaves, taking the oil, vaporizing the flower-- there are even lotions and tinctures and candies. And not all forms make you "high." Smoking it is actually the worst form of ingesting the plant. It was pretty amazing and all very new to me. It was a lot to take in. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We talked to many people that night. One girl had OCD and couldn’t stop washing her hands. She had rubbed her hands raw and couldn’t control it. Someone told her to just smoke once a day. She did and her OCD was practically gone. WHAT?? How can this be right? I'm seeing the proof...but this is marijuana. If smoking is the worst form and it helped that much-- imagine what it could do in its best form. We met people who had been in bed and in wheel chairs and now were out and off their heavy narcotics. I was blown away. Is there a possibility that this plant really could have a positive place in the medicinal world? Could this plant really heal my cancer just by juicing the leaves? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We went home that night after some late night colonics with heavy hearts. We all got on our knees and began a fast where we explained to the Lord all the amazing things we had felt and learned-- and also all the fears. We knew this was not just a small decision about healing my cancer...it was much bigger. If in fact this was true and what I was supposed to use, well….holy cow, what next!!?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">While on our knees we pled with Heavenly Father. We asked him to please make our answer very clear. Is cannabis/marijuana an option for me to heal my cancer and is it ok for me to use? </span>Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-6486096735633771812015-02-25T21:29:00.000-08:002017-01-23T15:35:58.804-08:00Las Vegas: Learning about Food and Healing<div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">On September 5th we </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">arrived at Rachel’s herbal store in Las Vegas. We spent the next 2 hours with Rachel and her </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">friend</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Becky learning about cancer, diet, herbs, and many other things. They told us so many amazing stories about cancer survivors and had total confidence in our bodies ability to heal itself given the right tools. It was amazing to look in their eyes and see no fear or doubt AT ALL that I could get rid of this cancer naturally. They talked to me about the importance of me being on raw foods and not eating refined sugars. They talked about many herbs we could take that would provide straight nutrients for our bodies. They talked to us about the importance of faith-- both faith in the Savior and His atonement and faith in ourselves...keeping our minds positive and full of hope. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">We talked about the many people they had seen with cancer. So many would come to them after chemo with bodies that were weak and run down. Many of them had cancer for the second time and did not want to do chemo again. Then there were those who wanted to go holistic, but </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">because</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of family and friend pressures to do chemo, they could never commit to one </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">route over another and finally end up sick. </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then there were those who wanted to do the holistic route and were really committed. Even though it was hard and required </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">a lot of</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> physical, spiritual, and emotional work they didn’t quit. They expressed how this was very much a personal journey and no matter what I chose they would support me and help me stay as healthy as possible.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is hard to write in words all that was said and felt while we met with Rachel and Becky. I felt like they were teaching us so much but at the same time the spirit was teaching me so much and confirming so much of what they were saying. I could see clearly the two paths before me and it was my choice. I got very emotional and had to excuse myself. As I walked away I understood that both options would be hard stretching and painful. If I chose chemo I would come out just fine, stronger, and better...but if I chose this other path it would change me forever. It would stretch me far beyond what I would think possible and it would hurt. I would come out completely changed. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My sister Niki walked over to see if I was ok I told her the feelings I was having. I compared it to people I met on my church mission:</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">First, there were the people I taught who were wishy washy. They wanted to get baptized and recognized the </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">goodness of the</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> gospel but didn't want to let go of their old life and habits. They wanted all the blessing but the change was hard and a little scary. So they didn't </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">commit and often fell away.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then there were those who recognized this new path that was before them and they embraced it completely. They had prayed and gotten their answer that it was true and right and there was no looking back. Even when trials, temptation, and hardship came. They pushed through and in the end they were stronger and happier. They were changed.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Similarly, as I considered healing my cancer naturally, I could immediately see the good in this new path I knew it was right and what I was supposed to do. The feelings were so strong at that moment and I felt scared and had a huge desire to put one foot on each side of the line just for comfort and safety. However, the spirit strongly confirmed to me that if I really wanted to experience the growth and change the Lord wanted for me, I should fully commit to the new path I was on. I needed this change. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now I'm not saying that chemo or any other path is not life changing for anyone else. I'm simply saying that this day the Lord had given me some choices- and only one would help mold ME into what Heavenly Father had in store for ME more than the other. </span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-9266df39-bd55-4b4b-d713-cd7a6de19796"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">From that point on the day got more and more amazing. Rachel took us to lunch at this amazing raw foods place. She was so great showing us all the diamonds in the “eating raw” world. Which I needed so badly because I was starving and felt like I would never be able enjoy food again. She also told us she never puts anything in her mouth without praying over it, especially when she had cancer. She had seen studies that showed how the molecular structure actually changes when you pray over it. How blessed we are to have a loving Father in Heaven who even watches over the food we eat if we ask he can literally change it to nourish our bodies. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rachel then took us to a place called Healing Waters. It is this amazing </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">title</span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> detox place. We did colonics, foot baths, and the hyperbaric chamber. The hyperbaric chamber took all I had in me to get in. It is an oxygen chamber that looks like a body bag. You get zipped in and they turn on the oxygen. Cancer cannot survive in an oxygenated environment so I knew this was very good for me. That gave me the strength to let them zip up the bag. After a while I was able to relax and it was like heaven. Here are a couple pics.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The detox foot bath. Yep, all of this stuff came out of me.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After we finished our healing time at Healing Waters we headed to Rachel's house and met her amazing family. They fed me some ezekial bread, beat kvass (a probiotic drink that provides the body good bacteria and aids in digestion), and Kambucha-- which they called nature's soda pop.</span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It is a fermented type drink, said to stimulate the immune system, prevent cancer, and improve digestion and liver function. Everything was</span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> so yummy. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rachel then took us to get massages. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had read (and Rachel confirmed) that massages were very good for me to have-- especially with Lymphatic cancer. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I was physically and emotionally drained and this was just what the doctor ordered. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was seriously one of the best massages I have ever had.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Afterwards, we we were all set with a place to stay on the strip. But when we told Rachel and Becky they freaked out just a little. They told us that this was a healing time and explained that everything in the world has a frequency. The higher the frequency the better it is for you. The strip obviously has a low frequency and had the potential to pull me down at a time when I </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">especially </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> needed to surround myself with high frequency things like love, gratitude, and the Savior. Obviously things missing on the strip. They wanted this weekend to be all about healing. I already knew about frequencies but hadn’t connected it with my healing. So Becky offered her home to us. She had recently lost her husband and lived alone. She had a guest room that we were welcome to use. Wow-- three strangers in her home. What a blessing. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I went to bed that night exhausted but so grateful for the opportunity to meet people like Rachel and Becky. They taught me about faith, courage, and selflessness. I was full of hope and gratitude.</span></div>
Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-30993095927655836142015-02-25T04:57:00.003-08:002015-09-17T08:50:32.776-07:00The "Official" Diagnosis Day<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I took a break to announce the birth of our little Gabe but I want to share how that miracle came to be. So here we go back to the story!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">On September 4th we went to the Huntsman for all our official test results: </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="line-height: 1.38;"><b>Stage 2A Hodgkins lymphoma, unfavorable. </b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stage 2 means </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had it 2 places-- my neck and chest. "</span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">A" </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; white-space: pre-wrap;">means</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I was asymptomatic-- My symptoms were a full body itch and a cough. </span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Unfavorable means I have it in more than one place on my neck-- I have many lumps and on both sides. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">They told us we would have 6 months of chemo and 15 days of radiation and we should start ASAP. I said, “If the cancer is just as treatable in a stage 3 or 4, then why can’t we just wait until it’s a 3 and let the baby get a little bigger-- or even delivered-- before we start?” She explained that cancer is just too unpredictable. It doesn’t always just move from stage 2 to 3. Sometimes it skips all of those and goes right to the brain--stage 4-- and then we are in trouble. I was feeling a little claustrophobic in the room right about then. I wanted to scream, “I am not even sick and I'm not going to do chemo right now with a baby growing inside me, so give me another choice!” </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shaun thankfully chimed in and in his calm cool way asked the doctors if we could just take it a couple weeks at a time and keep a close eye on things and try to give the baby a little more time. They agreed, saying they would like to see us every two weeks to monitor the growth of the lumps and my symptoms. I was so excited that they were going to give me time. Shaun and I left the office feeling like we had just won the war. Shaun said, “Tenille, we have to remember you still have cancer.” This was true, but we had time!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On our way home we started talking about all the research and natural treatment options we had found and what our next step would be. We both felt a huge sense of urgency. We only had two weeks to make sure this didn’t grow at all. I said, “I have to go to Vegas and see Rachel and do the 3 days of cleansing she told me about. And I have to leave tonight.” I thought he might be hesitant, but he surprised me. He said, "Ok. Who is going to go with you?” In a matter of only a few hours, both my sister Niki and my friend Amy were at my house, packed and ready to join me.</span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We left at 5:30am the next morning, having no idea what an amazing adventure awaited us in Vegas.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PS) I need to thank Jess and Aaron Hawkins, practically strangers to me, who came to the rescue by taking care of Lincoln this day. He was really struggling and your help was invaluable. Heavenly Father has sent so many angels to me through this whole ordeal and you are two of them.</span></div>
Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-55537835553495578732015-02-22T18:36:00.003-08:002015-02-22T22:27:35.722-08:00A Mighty Miracle: Gabe is Born!<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Well once again I am a little late getting the news out but I am so pleased to announce the arrival of our little miracle baby. Gabe Nathaniel Farr!!! Born January 4, 2015 weighing in at 6lbs 6oz and 18 inches long. He is absolutely perfect. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 26.2199993133545px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now let me go back and tell you the story leading up to this wonderful day. I have been suffering from an awful full body itch for some time now. It had subsided substantially the last couple of months but more recently it has become almost intolerable. I spoke with my midwife about it and she decided to have me tested for Cholestasis. They called me two days later and told me that I was at a level 10 and 11 was the diagnostic level. They had called my oncologist and talked to doctors in their office and everyone felt like it would be super smart to have the baby now. Cholestasis, besides bringing on a nasty itch, also often causes stillborn births when delivered at full term. They suggested we have the baby as soon as possible.</span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"> That night my itch was especially bad. I cried in the night and Shaun was rubbing my legs but it was still awful. We were scheduled for an induction Sunday, January 4th. My mom and dad and my sister Niki jumped in their cars and came down Saturday night and we got ready to have a baby. As you can imagine and many of you know it’s a sleepless night the day before you have a baby. I had so many things on my mind- I pray my baby will be healthy and strong, holy cow I'm going to have 5 boys, am I really ready for childbirth, what is the cancer going to do once the baby comes, and what is my plan after the baby comes?</span><br />
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<span style="vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Sunday morning came and Niki and Mom helped Dad and the kids get off to church and met us at the hospital. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was doing an induction so they got me all hooked up and ready. I tested positive for group B strep so I had to have an antibiotic pumped in a couple times ideally before the baby came. We were ready to go and they came in and told me that the Doc, who has to be in the hospital and available at all times because I'm a VBAC, had to run to a neighboring hospital and do an emergency c-section so we had to wait until he got back to even start the induction. "Raaarrr," was what I was thinking at the time, but we had a fun time talking and some sweet people brought us the sacrament and I took a little nap. </span><br />
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<span style="text-indent: 36pt;"></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 26px; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Well finally at about 12 noon the doc was back and they started the induction. It took a long time to really get going but soon the contractions started and the work began. Shaun was right by my side with every contraction helping me through and Niki and Mom were so good to help keep me positive and relaxed. It was a perfect team. At 8:50pm after a lot prayers, faith, and work, our little miracle arrived. He was beautiful, perfectly healthy, and so small (at least for me-- my smallest baby before this was 9.3lbs and biggest was 10.14lbs.) </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is hard for me to express the feelings I had as this little miracle was placed in my arms. I felt like we both had been fighting a war to get him here full term, healthy, and chemo free- so we could have this very moment- and what an amazing moment it was for both Shaun and I. We...Shaun and my boys, our families, our friends and neighbors, and so many that we don’t even know through fasting and prayers and the amazing grace of Jesus Christ had done it. We had our little miracle. It was a beautiful day. My sister Niki took some video at the birth and my sister-in-law Natalie made a little video out of it. I am sharing it on here and hope you enjoy. Thanks to everyone for your fasting and prayers in our behalf. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.38; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">In Mosiah Chapter 8:18 it says, “Thus God has provided a means that man, through faith, might work mighty miracles; therefore he becometh a great benefit to his fellow beings."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our family thanks all of you for your prayers in our behalf… we have benefited greatly and experienced mighty miracles from your faith. </span></div>
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<br />Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-38916585211455390762014-12-11T01:16:00.000-08:002014-12-11T01:16:16.125-08:00Standing as a Witness <div dir="ltr" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I was very excited about the night. I planned to show the Alex Boye music video, “Virtue Makes You Beautiful,” then talk about what motivates us to be modest and what modesty is according to the “<a href="https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/ForTheStrengthOfYouth-eng.pdf?lang=eng">For the Strength of the Youth</a>” pamphlet. I also I brought some clothes to show them how to take stylish clothes they loved and make them modest. (Here is the video. It is so fun.)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Well, I got to the church and the video wouldn’t work. I was so sad that things weren't going as planned but just went with it and it turned out great. I noticed one girl with a smirky smile on her face like she thought this was a little foolish. She was just barely learning about the gospel so I wasn’t hurt or really even surprised, but I instantly said a little prayer that I would be able to help these girls recognize the blessings available to them as they live pure and virtuous lives. I immediately thought of my <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=916559329471367116#editor/target=post;postID=167403174609809336;onPublishedMenu=allposts;onClosedMenu=allposts;postNum=0;src=link">MRI experience</a> I had had just the day before, and the protection of my garments. I was a little apprehensive sharing such a personal story about such sacred things but the prompting was so strong. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I told the girls that being modest now will help prepare them to make covenants in the temple that can bless their lives in so many ways. I told them that they can’t expect to dress immodestly now and then just one day go to the temple and make the switch to being modest. Modesty is an outward expression of an inward commitment to follow the Savior. I shared that when they go to the temple they will make covenants in regard to modesty and purity and they will have the great blessings of wearing the temple garments as part of their covenant. As we keep our covenants we are promised protection and that protection is real. I then told them my experience with the MRI and the protection I knew I received from wearing my garments. The spirit was so strong in the room and I could see that the young sister could feel it. It was an amazing experience. </span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-ac4cf1d9-23d1-9f10-f14d-0d05c4952de9"><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> As I pondered on my day I thought of how grateful I was for my MRI experience, and the opportunity to share it with amazing Young Women. It reminds me of the line in the<a href="https://www.lds.org/young-women/personal-progress/young-women-theme?lang=eng"> Young Women theme</a> which says, "We will stand as witnesses of God...in all things." That day I was able to stand as a witness of God's protection and power. I also thought about my good friend, Angela, who said I would one day be grateful for cancer. Well today in one small way, I was.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-1674031746098093362014-12-09T11:10:00.001-08:002015-09-17T08:51:02.036-07:00MRI, Miracles, and Angels <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> September 2 </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">was our MRI appointment. I was very nervous about it. The doctors told me that it was a pretty safe procedure and it didn’t use radiation. However I had also heard of many people who have had them and experienced extreme headaches after. Shaun and I had prayed super hard that all would be ok. Dr. Glen the Oncologist said that this appointment could last 3 hours, so that also made me nervous. I've never had an MRI before but everyone who had told me how loud it was. Just before they took us back to change they took us in a little room and had us sign a waiver. They had to do a special consultation since I was pregnant, letting us know what we were doing and making sure we were ok with it...this didn't exactly strengthen my confidence in the "this is completely safe for your baby" idea. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> They took me to a changing room and gave me this gown and told me to take everything off but my underwear. I was a little confused because as a member of <a href="https://www.lds.org/?lang=eng">The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints</a>, I don't wear your normal underwear. I wear <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkTz_NQqKA8">garments</a> (a religious top with cap sleeves and bottoms that go to the knees that are worn under your clothes). I wondered if I should leave them on or not. I peaked my head out and asked Shaun what he thought and he was thinking they probably would want them off. I agreed and began to change when I had the thought, “Don’t take them off, leave them on.” I took a minute to consider where that thought had come from. As I did I remembered the promised blessings that come from wearing them worthily - I decided to leave them on. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> They took me back and told me it should only last about 45min to an hour. I was so relieved. I lay on my back and they got me all situated and then moved me into this long tube. I haven’t ever been claustrophobic until that moment. I just started to feel a little panic set in. I tried to just concentrate on breathing and relaxing all while focusing on the opening at the end of the tube above my head. (This is great practice for childbirth.) I was able to gain control when they started a little test run. I had asked for the headphones and I wanted to listen to classical music. However when the noise started it didn’t matter what I was listening to. The machine was so LOUD! I was so startled…it was nothing like I had imagined. </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I got through the practice test and then they started the real thing. All of the sudden I got super nervous again. I was worried about my baby and things started feeling really tight again. I thought, "I'm going to push this button and tell them I don’t want to do this anymore." I started to say a little prayer that my baby would be safe and I would be able to calm down. The night before I was expressing my </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre-wrap;">fear for the baby and this test to my</span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> sister Niki. She told me that I should pray for guardian angels to protect me and my baby. I did just that while I was laying in that tube. Right then I remembered that I was wearing my garments, and I remembered the promised blessings of protection that they provide. I also became very aware that I was not alone in that tube. I could feel the presence of heavenly angels surrounding me and my baby. I knew that we both had the protection of heaven and all was going to be fine. It was one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had. I calmed down immediately and then I noticed in my headphones that there were beautiful hymns playing. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 21.8500003814697px; white-space: pre-wrap;"> In the <a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/84.88?lang=eng">Doctrine and Covenants 84:88</a> it says, "...I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." I had experienced this promise exactly this day, and was I was filled with peace. </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Needless to say the rest of the MRI was a breeze. In fact a couple times they asked me if I was breathing cause I was so relaxed. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> When we got home that night I ran to a </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"><a href="https://www.lds.org/callings/relief-society/purposes?lang=eng">Relief Society</a> dinner our ward was putting on. I hadn’t been home very much but I felt like I should really go because the sisters in the ward had been so supportive and kind and I never see them because I am in Young Women's. So I went. I really couldn’t eat anything but salad but it was fun to get to know some of the sisters better. After the dinner was over we played a game and then the relief Society President, Sister Boothe, spoke. She talked about the power we have as women and daughters of God and how much we are capable-- of especially when we all work together. We had just done a quilt and children's book service project and they had everything that was made or collected on display. It was amazing what our little group of sisters had accomplished. I don’t remember the number but it was A LOT! </span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Then she talked about the miracles that they had experienced as a ward recently due to united prayer. In closing she told the sisters about me and asked them all to join in a special Relief Society fast that Thursday night in my behalf. She expressed her testimony of the power that comes from fasting a prayer and especially as a united group of sisters. I was so humbled to be in that room and could not keep the tears back as I felt the love of each one of those sisters and the love of my Heavenly Father knowing that He is aware of me. What a wonderful blessing it is to be apart of such an amazing organization as Relief Society and to have so many wonderful women, some of whom I don't even know, fasting and praying for me. I know the power a righteous group of women carries and I am so grateful. </span><br />
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-75705078252915353542014-12-03T23:38:00.000-08:002015-09-17T10:42:01.190-07:00An Angel from Heaven <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">These days were full of family time and a lot of research, phone calls, more research, and more phone calls. We were trying to find, research, and talk to every homeopathic, natural doctor in the world, practically. We talked to a lot of different people who have heard of ways to cure cancer naturally and those who have had their cancer healed naturally. We set up phone consultations with many different kinds of doctors. We had people contacting us everyday with great leads and information. I felt like there was a whole army searching for the right treatment for us. We entered all the info into the spreadsheet and we began to eliminate the things that would not work for a pregnant mom and treatments that just didn’t feel right. It was amazing at how we were led during this process. We only had a couple of options we were seriously considering left and we were actually already applying some of those. I had began juicing carrots, beets, celery, and apples 3 times a day to get as much nutrients in me as possible. I was taking a lot of vitamins and supplements. I was also blending greens 2 twice a day. You can imagine how badly I wanted to just chew food. Every once in a great while I just needed a steak and Shaun made sure I got it. I stopped eating any sugar- including fruits and natural sugars- and thanks to my amazing neighbors, Judy and Kendell Barrows, who made sure I had a gallon of alkaline water to drink everyday and many more healthy eating tips. We were so grateful for so many who were working to help us find anything that would help. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> On Friday night the 29th I got a call from the referral in Las Vegas...her name is Rachel. She said she was on her way to Salt Lake right then and she would love to meet me really quick and drop a few things off for me to read and try. I was so excited. She also said, “I haven’t been to Utah in 8 years and we just happened to be coming this weekend." I was so grateful. We ended up meeting around 9pm in the parking lot at KFC. I have to tell you that just before we had left home we were putting the kids in bed and Lincoln had been crying...pleading with me not to leave anymore. He didn’t want me to leave his sight or go to anymore doctor appointments. It really tore at me and when Shaun and I got in the car I just started crying. I knew we were just starting this journey and I was scared and I hated seeing Lincoln so sad and I knew the other boys wey re being so brave and helpful but everyone was worried. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> By the time we pulled up to KFC I was trying to pull myself together and I thought I had done a pretty good job, but when I got out of the car and started walking toward them I couldn’t help it. This woman I had </span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 21px; white-space: pre-wrap;">never</span><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> met before opened her arms with complete understanding. She knew exactly what I was feeling and I could feel her love and compassion. Not just Rachel but her husband also. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me just like a dad would. After we got that out of the way she and her husband quickly told us their life story. Man can she talk fast. Rachel had so much information and things she had learned and studied through the years; she was so excited and had such faith in me and my body and the Lord. She told me, “Tenille cancer is an amazing journey and when you are finished with it you will be so grateful for it.” I hadn’t up to that point ever thought I’d be grateful for it. I knew I could get through it, but be grateful for it was something entirely different. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Rachel had been pregnant 21 years ago with her 5th child when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma cancer. It was bad!! I think even with chemo she was only given a short amount of time to live. So she opted to go home and fight it naturally and get her baby here. She knew about the herbal world a little from her mom and grandma, but she wasn’t a pro. And there was no internet yet so she went to the library and poured over books and began doing everything she knew to get her body healthy. She came across a guy who had a tea that was very helpful in cleansing the body and had evidence of shrinking cancer tumors. It's called Esiac tea. He sent her a bunch and she began using that and all the other things she could find to make her body strong. She said they lived in this little apartment, they had just moved to Vegas, and her husband worked two jobs just to pay for all the herbs and stuff she needed to heal. They didn’t have doors on their cabinets in their kitchen, no stove, and only a little fridge and microwave. They were so poor and it was summer and hot and they only had a swamp cooler in the hall. She would just lay there in the hall, pregnant and sick, and her kids would bring her medicine and encourage her. Her oldest daughter would make lunch for the other kids and basically take care of things around the house. Rachlel worked hard to make her body super strong- and then her body got rid of cancer. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;"> That was 21 yrs ago and her little baby is now married and just had a little baby of her own. I was feeling humbled and grateful for my circumstance at that moment and also amazed at her faith, hard work, and positive attitude. She gave me a bunch of herbs and told me to continue my diet of healthy clean eating. I told her I was basically starving because I didn’t know what was going to make things worse or better and EVERYONE had a different opinion. She said, “Tenille study the word of wisdom and follow it.” If the spirit had not testified of what she had been saying already, it did right then. Duh...she said eat clean and smart but don’t starve. If your body is calling out for it eat it just make sure it's clean</span></span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">- unless it’s a candy bar. My very favorite thing she said all night was, “Don’t worry Tenille- you haven’t had your last Snickers.” This amazing women came swooping into my world that night like a Fairy God Mother. She gave me hope and confidence in all the feelings and impressions I had had during all my appointments. She reminded me of how amazing the bodies that God gave us truly are and shared a lot of her herbs with me. I’ve rarely met a person as giving as she is. She didn’t even know me but I felt like her daughter. She said, “Someone did this once for me and now it’s my turn to give back.” She said when she heard my message on the phone she felt an immediate pull and connection to help me. She told me that she would be going back to Vegas in the middle of the next week and she would love it if I came down and we could do a 3 day detox. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> It was an amazing experience for both Shaun and I. When we got back in the car I had tears of joy and thanksgiving and we were both just awe struck by the whole experience. That night I was feeling scared, weak, frustrated, and helpless. Then Heavenly Father sent down an Angel from heaven full of love and hope, letting us know that it was all going to be ok and we could in fact do this. I didn't know if this path would be the one that we would choose, but I knew there was a path for us and Heavenly Father was aware of us. This trial might in fact stretch us and our children to our very limits and it might seem to difficult to bare sometimes, but that night, like so many times, the Lord in His tender mercy steps in and rescues. That night I saw what enduring a trial well with the Lord looked like. Rachel was full of light, life, and joy. She had come through her trial on top and although I didn't know her before I could feel the love, charity, and faith in Jesus Christ she had acquired during her trials. It made me a little excited for the future...if I can endure as well as she had, I know my faith in and understanding of the Atonement will grow. And I just might acquire some of the Christlike attributes I need to return back to my Heavenly Father. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"All of these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."</span><br />
<a class="scriptureRef" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/122.5-8?lang=eng#4" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #3b4b6d; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">D&C 122:5–8</a></div>
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com188tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-67174270498033449622014-12-01T13:11:00.000-08:002014-12-01T13:11:25.368-08:00Ultra Sound & Baby Doctor<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">August 28, 2014</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Again we made our way up to Salt Lake early in the morning for the ultrasound appointment at 8:30 a.m. We had our sweet neighbor and friend, Becky Pendleton, volunteer to come over in the morning and help get our kids off to school and watch Lincoln for the day. Once again I am so grateful for willing and loving friends that my kids love and I trust. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> This was an exciting time. In fact, it was the first ray of sunshine in a long time. I was really nervous because of course I want a girl and I just knew it was a boy- but really at this point who the heck cares- a healthy baby and healthy mom is all I care about...RIGHT?? (NOT.) We got in and they did all the normal stuff, measurements, checking all the organs, looking at the brain, and spine. Finally it was time to see what the sex is. Well by now in all our other ultrasounds we knew exactly what we were having, but this little stink would not give us anything. A couple times we thought we saw girl and then we would think we were seeing boy. Then the technician would say oh that’s just umbilical cord. Well, we tried forever and I even got up and walked and went to the restroom...we did everything to try and get the baby in a good position. After 1.5 hours, not joking, she went and had the person who looks at the pictures read them and make sure she had taken all the pics needed and they decided that they were 70% sure it was a girl. WHAT!! How are we supposed to go home and have a "guess that baby" party with the boys? What do we make a cake that is 70% pink and the rest blue? Seriously…</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well the fun was over as we made our way to meet with Dr. Silva our OBGYN specialist. This was my 3rd or 4th day of appointments and they all last forever and I am always starving by the time we leave. Seriously, they need food for pregnant ladies doing testing all day...water doesn’t cut it. Anyway, the doc came in and right off the bat it turns into a difficult conversation full of tears. He like everyone else acknowledged that there is no easy answer but my life is very important. He said he wished he had a ton of evidence on this but he didn’t… sure this had happened 30 times and most of the time it all works out great and the baby is healthy. However he did say that he is here to get a healthy baby also, and he won’t take a baby if it’s not going to make it. We were very frank with him, too. At this point we had no test results that could tell us if the cancer was spread farther than we already knew, so all of this was hypothetical. We told him we really wanted to try some natural things if the oncologist would give us anytime. We told him we didn't like the plan of doing chemo while I was carrying a baby and we would love to hold out until our baby could be born VERY safely-- not kind of safely. He listened and for once understood and even said he’d work with us if the cancer was giving us time. He told us that we really needed to study our options out and be careful. I have to share my impressions I was having at this time. Here I am sitting in an office talking about my fate and the fate of my unborn baby with so many other factors to consider, like 4 kids and a husband. I am very much aware how important these factors are and everything the Doctors are telling me makes perfect sense, but the clear message in my heart and in my mind was, "you cannot do chemo at this time." It wasn't fear or the protecting mom feelings it was just a knowledge that there is another way for me right now and starting chemo is not it. How do you explain that to your doctor? They have experience and a ton of studies to back them up and I have "The spirit is telling me there is another way." We did our best to share what we were feeling and we left feeling confident in this Doctors abilities and grateful for his willingness to work with us if our tests turned out good. In the mean time we were working and praying hard to find that "other way." In the Bible Dictionary it defines faith as..."</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); color: #2f393a; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;">Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (</span><a class="scriptureRef" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/heb/11.1?lang=eng#0" style="background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Heb. 11:1</a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); color: #2f393a; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;">; </span><a class="scriptureRef" href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/32.21?lang=eng#20" style="background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); border: 0px; color: #486fae; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Alma 32:21</a><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); color: #2f393a; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Sans', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;">), and must be centered in Jesus Christ in order to produce salvation. To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone. The Lord has revealed Himself and His perfect character, possessing in their fulness all the attributes of love, knowledge, justice, mercy, unchangeableness, power, and every other needful thing, so as to enable the mind of man to place confidence in Him without reservation." </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #20124d;"><span style="line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today faith is what I'm holding onto. </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;">How grateful I am that there is a loving Savior who possesses these attributes, knows, and loves me, and whom I can trust in. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;"><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="background-color: white;">T</span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314);">his knowledge gives me the strength to have Faith in the words of the spirit, "You can't do chemo right now, there is another way."</span></span></span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.00784314); color: #2f393a; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-indent: 0px;"> </span></div>
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-20481636447043211662014-11-19T10:13:00.001-08:002014-11-19T10:23:29.247-08:00The First Big Appointment <div style="color: #232323; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px; text-indent: 48px;">
<span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;">August 28th was the big day at the Huntsman Cancer Institute with Dr. Glen— a Lymphoma specialist Shaun found. Our appointment was at 8:30am. Thank goodness the Andersons were still with us. They got our kids up, had scripture with them, got them out the door for school, took Duke for a walk, and dropped Lincoln off at our neighbors. He was so excited for his play date with his friend, Maron, so that always makes things easy. We had no idea how long this appointment would last but they told us to plan up 5 hours so we were so grateful for good neighbors. We got there and they did all the regular stuff—weight, height, blood pressure. Everything looked good. (On a side note, one bonus to all of this was that instead of my usual 5-10 lbs I gain every month while pregnant I had lost a little weight, and since my belly was still growing I felt like It was ok. Maybe for once my baby wouldn’t weigh 10lbs and I wouldn’t gain 60…)</span><span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;">We then met with Dr. Glen’s assistant, Andy. She was very nice. She took down all our info about how we found the cancer, what doctors we had seen so far, my symptoms, and pregnancy. She did a little exam checking all my lymph nodes in my arm pits, groin, and neck, determining their size so they could begin tracking them. She then said, “This is not going to be an easy decision, and to say there is a right or wrong is not true. But you are the mother of 4 other boys and a wife and it is very important we get you better first.” That was my first super strong wave of fear and “mother bear” moment. I went straight into self talk mode inside my head. “Whatever...my baby is every bit as important as me and I am not just going to forget about it. I will do everything I can to protect this child, I don’t care what you say.” All while nodding and smiling at Andy. I know that what she said was very true, but my momma bear was rearing her head right then.</span><span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Shortly after Dr. Glen came in and did the exact same exam on me that Andy had done and briefly reviewed all her notes. Dr. Glen was very nice but less of a personable person, more like an intense researcher. Everything she said was backed up by studies and she got right to the point. First she told us that at the very least my cancer so far was Hodgkins Lymphoma stage 2. That means it is in two parts of my body— my neck and my chest. They would have to do more exams to determine if it was in my bone, abdomen, liver, groin, and kidneys. That would change the staging. She then told me that after this testing they would begin chemo immediately. You can imagine how shocked we were to hear they expected me to do chemo with my baby still inside my body when I was not even feeling sick. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We asked them about the safety of the baby and she said there are 4 different medicines that would be used in my treatment— A,B,C, and D. They know for sure that D cannot get through the placenta barrier and is very safe but the others can. However, they believe it to be fairly safe for the baby. They basically told us they wished they had tons of studies on this but they don’t. They have done it before and it has been fine, but they don’t have data yet for long term effects to the baby because those babies are still young. They said as part of the prep for chemo they would need to do a test on my heart, liver, and lungs just to get a baseline so they could monitor them during chemo since the A,B, and C affect those organs. You can imagine how the momma bear was feeling about baby and chemo now.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> </span><span style="color: #232323; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I feel like I should share that I know that the Huntsman Institute has done and is doing great things and has saved a lot of lives. Those doctors definitely were doing their very best to help me and they were so kind. I know that my path and another person’s with cancer— even pregnant with cancer— could be very different. This is simply my honest experience, personal feelings, and unique journey.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>We started making a plan to find out if I had cancer in other places. We were very limited on what we could do because of the baby. CT scans were out of the question because of the high radiation. So we decided that we would do an MRI. It doesn’t use radiation— it uses magnets instead and is much safer. Additionally, they would do a bone marrow test to see if it was in my bone, as well as all the baseline tests to prep for chemo (heart, liver, and lungs). They also wanted me to meet with an OBGYN specialist to get an ultrasound and discuss different options we might have for the baby. Wow. Did I mention that I was sick of doctors and tests? </span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;">We scheduled the appointments but </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="color: #20124d;">did the bone marrow test right then. That was a crazy test. I had to lay on my side while she numbed me up. This hurt the worst by far. I thought it would be like a shot, but no, it was like what I imagine getting stung by a wasp 20 times feels like. Finally, I was numb enough to stick what looked like a mini tent stake into my hip bone and get a little piece of bone and marrow. It didn’t really hurt, it was just a lot of pressure and she was rocking me hard to get the stake into the bone. It took about 30 minutes and then we had to sit there for 20 more minutes…which turned into 45. Shaun was going nuts and was trying to find someone in the hall. Finally the nurse came in and let us go after confirming our next couple of appointments, and announcing they had slipped a few MORE in there—all the pre-chemo tests. I quickly dismissed all of those and told her that we would rather wait and get the tests results back before we proceed. She agreed and we were off.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;">It was about 2pm when we finally left the Huntsman.</span><span style="color: #232323; letter-spacing: 0px;"> T</span><span style="color: #20124d; letter-spacing: 0px;">he Andersons had found a great Raw foods place to eat and were waiting to have lunch with us before they headed back to Idaho. I was a little emotional as we left Huntsmans, just trying to process all that they had told us and trying to gain control over the fear I felt. I thought it was under control, but when we walked in the restaurant Amy and Justin jumped to their feet, and…well, I lost it. They both wrapped their arms around us. I’m sure it was a sight to everyone watching. We sat down and I was trying to gain control as they looked at us for answers. I said just talk about something funny so I can stop crying. So of course it took like 2 seconds for them to have us all laughing as they told us about their crazy morning walking Duke and how he pooped all over the neighborhood and all the things they had used to pick it up, and how a neighbor had come out and they thought he was going to get after them. The two of them animatedly telling this story was so funny and just what Shaun and I both needed. They were so great offering to help in every way possible, even going on my crazy diet with me. I was reminded how much support I have with all my family and friends and I can totally do this!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #232323; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We got home and found the kids had done a great job getting all their stuff done, and we had dinner waiting for us from my sweet visiting teachers. I was so grateful to have that there because I had to run James to his soccer game and Shaun ran the boys to their football games. (Just like life was normal right??) Our ward was so great—we have had so many people offer to bring meals and others just brought meals without even a word. I keep thinking things could get really hard and we may need this help later so I don’t want to wear everyone out while I still feel good, but these doctors appointments have been very stressful and LONG and all of the meals really saved us. I once again went to bed thanking my Heavenly Father for such a great ward family.</span></div>
Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-87485376917480007182014-11-10T13:14:00.000-08:002014-11-10T13:14:25.056-08:00The Love of Friends and Family <div style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> Sunday, August 24th, was a little crazy at church. Lots of people saw my stitches on my neck the week before and they wanted to know what we found out. It’s a little different being on the opposite end of the cancer conversation. You can immediately see the fear that comes into people’s eyes when the word “cancer” is spoken. It has affected almost everyone of us in one way or another— and most of us have experienced it with death. In the last year alone in our previous stake, 3 young mothers lost their lives to cancer. So I understood as I heard all of them say, “you’re going to make it and I know you can beat this” that the fear was still there. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>However, despite that fear I heard the phrase, “we are going to pray for you” over and over and I can’t tell you how much peace and strength that brought. I knew that everyone was praying for me and I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen its effects a million times since I was a little girl and I drew a lot of strength from those words that day. What a blessing to be apart of a ward family who loves and cares for me. Everyone was immediately fighting to bring us meals, offering to watch our kids, and give me rides to doctor appointments. We have only been in this ward since March, but that day I felt like I had been a part of it for a lifetime as I experience each member opening their hearts and arms to us. I knew I would never be alone or without help. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is amazing!! </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="color: #232323; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The next day my </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">mom and dad went home. I know Mom was dying and didn’t want to leave me. I was so grateful they had been here with us during this time. I am so blessed with amazing parents who care so much and have such great faith. I have always drawn on that strength and faith and I was blessed by it again that weekend. I think it was also good for Mom to see that I was ok and in good spirits. I knew that the time would come that I would really need her, so I told her to go home and prepare for my full diagnosis. After that we would make a plan and she would be a big part of it. However, there was still a part of me that screamed, “Don’t leave!” because in between all of these appointments, my pregnancy, and my emotional craziness, we still had our normal life to keep up with—-James’ soccer games and practices, Bryant and Mason’s football games and practices, young women’s, scouts, piano, Shaun keeping up at work, and homework. Plus we were in the middle of an uphill battle trying to get Bryant into an accelerated math class. I was hoping I could juggle all the balls that I had at this moment and not drop any. I was a little scared I might not be able to do it all. </span><span style="color: #232323; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> That night we had two of our good friends come over, the Bastians and the Andersons. It was fun to see them both. The Bastians brought us these stinking cute little BYU booties for our baby. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgez3ZhLjfcvptHhAiHaWPDmM8SSQF2faF_N5ezyP5r6zeh5wTst59Y6NqPLw4v87H6aND83F4yKBT6HXeAbpTBTgGqTuvg0fxTcTiU8cJE42ZER3qTfNtClm55EgPD_7E-5S-40sF-N__8/s1600/IMG_2079.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgez3ZhLjfcvptHhAiHaWPDmM8SSQF2faF_N5ezyP5r6zeh5wTst59Y6NqPLw4v87H6aND83F4yKBT6HXeAbpTBTgGqTuvg0fxTcTiU8cJE42ZER3qTfNtClm55EgPD_7E-5S-40sF-N__8/s1600/IMG_2079.JPG" height="315" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I was so grateful for their gesture of faith and love. As they expressed their desire to help and concern for our needs I felt their sincerity. The Andersons had just moved to Idaho and were down on business so we were so excited to have them stay the next two nights at our house. I really needed to laugh, and if anyone has spent time around Justin and Amy you know they can always make you laugh. In addition to the healing that comes through laughter, Amy created this great spreadsheet for us. It had all our doctor appointments past and present, all the doctors and natural healers we had heard about and a description of their methods, and all their phone numbers. It also had a tab for foods I could eat and couldn’t eat, a recipes tab, and all the books and information we had obtained thus far about cancer. It was amazing and a great resource that we have referred many many times. It was also great for Shaun and I to see it all on one page. <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>I don’t think I ever realized this before, but having family and friends who sincerely care brings a certain peace— knowing that even if things got really bad we would have so many to lean upon. The Andersons and Bastians are definitely those kinds of friends. When Shaun gave me a blessing before my biopsy he said I would be blessed to know the love friends and family. Between the love of my ward family and the visits of concerned friends, I truly felt it that weekend. What a blessing good friends are. </span></div>
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Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-13681731801891270202014-10-23T15:21:00.001-07:002014-10-23T16:24:55.341-07:00Telling the Family <div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #20124d; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">August 23rd</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> was a little bit of an emotional but very spiritual day for me. It was the day we told our kids and our families about this life changing situation that was about to ROCK our world. Telling our kids was a little tricky. Shaun and I had to come to an agreement on what to say to them. Shaun wasn't sure how much to say because he was worried about scaring them and making them worry-- and while I could totally understand his concerns and agreed, I felt like this was an ideal time for them to learn about faith and see the power of prayer and fasting in action and even come to know the Savior more. I know those are a lot of big words for our young children but I remembered many faith promoting experiences as a young child and I know how receptive these little ones are to the spirit. Not to mention </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bryant is about to turn 12 and get the priesthood. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> So we just kinda combined both our feelings and sat them down for a little family talk before bed. These situations with young kids are always less than ideal. I think Mason had gone to bed early for some reason and so we drug him out of bed and Lincoln was on a crazy high wanting to run all over the place but that’s how it goes with kids, right? We had already shared a little with them when Shaun had given me a blessing (before my biopsy) but at that time it was just, “Mom's having a little surgery on her neck to see what is causing these little lumps in her neck. So we are going to pray for her, the doctors, and the baby to be safe tomorrow during her surgery. It’s not a big deal everything is going to be fine." Today Bryant and Mason were very aware that there was more going on than a little surgery. Shaun explained to them that the doctors had done some tests on the lump they took out of my neck and found out that my body is a little sick. He told them that some of the cells in my body that are supposed to die aren’t, and they are making these lumps in my neck and chest and the lumps are making me sick. Then he told them my sickness is called cancer. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Bryant knew for sure what cancer was. Last year a good friend of mine in our stake named Shannon Sevison had passed away from cancer and I had shed a few tears and shared with the family a lot about her struggle with cancer. He also knew of a few other family members and friends whose lives had been taken from cancer so I could see the fear come into his eyes. Mason also had that nervous look on his face, maybe not knowing exactly how bad cancer is but knowing this was serious. James who is 7, I think was feeling the fear in the air but seemed confused and was just waiting for us to tell him what to think. Shaun reminded the boys of the blessing I had received and the promises I had been given. He told them that we were going to get through this and I would be fine we just needed to remember Mom in our prayers everyday and really help out at home. He told them I still needed to have more tests done so the doctors would know the best way to help me get better. And we were all going to need to pitch in and help. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> After Shaun finished talking Bryant said, “I know what cancer is and it’s not good.” I told him he’s right-- it’s not good but we have to have faith Heavenly Father will bless us and pray hard and fast. I also told him that we caught it really early and that makes getting rid of it a lot easier. Everyone seemed to be ok and the second Shaun said I would get better and be fine James was checked out and fine. He trusted his dad and that was that. Oh to have the faith of a child again. We had family prayer and everyone gave hugs and kisses and they all went to bed. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I went up and talked to Bryant and Mason for a bit to make sure they were ok. I asked how they were doing and Bryant said, “Well, you have cancer.” Kinda like, how do you think we're doing? I told them it seems really scary but I feel really good about all of this and that there must be something Heavenly Father wants us to learn from this experience. I told them I knew I could get better and I was going to do everything I could to show Heavenly Father that. I told them Dad would be fasting the next day if they wanted to join him they could. They said yes and I told them good night. I left their room that night pleading to my Heavenly Father that He would answer all our prayers and let me stay here and raise these amazing young men of mine. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> Next, </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">we called our families to tell them the big news. Shaun’s parents were a little prepared because they had been here earlier and knew how we were feeling about things. They had some big leads for us to start with on our quest for the right treatment and knew a lady in their town who had whipped stage 4 ovarian cancer with Vitamin C treatments. This was super exciting to me...every success story I hear gives me a little more faith and a little more hope.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> At 9 pm we had a conference call with all my siblings. It’s always a little crazy to get 20 people on one phone call and have any order at all, especially when it comes to the Merrill Permann family who all love to talk (except Ladd and Shaun). However this call was very different; I couldn't get anyone to say anything at the beginning. No one really laughed at my jokes I was trying to crack. It was painful. It’s a little weird to hear myself say, “I have cancer,” and tonight was no exception. I let Shaun take the lead because it didn’t take long for the tears to come.... having all of these brothers and sisters who I love so much on the phone and feeling such love and faith from them. I am sure that most of them knew what was coming because a lot of them already knew about the biopsy and were waiting to hear back. And why would I call a family meeting to tell them I have a swollen lymph node? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; text-indent: 36pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Anyway Shaun told them all that we knew so far and let them know we were feeling really good about everything and had a lot of faith it was all going to work out. SILENCE…there was not a peep for what seemed like hours. Gradually they each began to speak and say really nice things about me that could bring pride into my life if I concentrated on them too much ;) They shared moments of trials in their lives and how each trial had turned into huge blessings. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> My brother Todd told me to just have faith in Heavenly Father’s will. He talked about sitting in a hospital room looking at his own very sick child and wondering if she would make it. All he could do in those moments was trust God. Kirk talked about when Brook (their daughter who has down syndrome) was born and some of the feelings he and Amanda struggled with. But what an amazing blessing she will receive after her physical trial is over. I was so strengthened by this knowing that my trial had a purpose and if I endured it well it would bring me closer to my Heavenly Father. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Rock said each one of us needed to look at our lives and see if we had any “weapons of war” (pride, things we need to forgive, envy, malice) and get rid of them. He said we can pray for the windows of heaven to open, but the scriptures say the Lord is bound only when we do what He says-- and if we do not what He says we have no promise. He was saying, “Let’s not just ask the Lord to pour out his blessings on Tenille. Let’s live our lives so that the Lord is bound by his promise to bless her.” I immediately began thinking, “What weapons of war am I carrying around?” What changes do I need to make in my life so that I ensure the Lord’s blessings? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> This made me think of my patriarchal blessing, where I am told to always remember this scripture in D&C 130:20-21: “There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated--and when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” I wanted--no I needed--every blessing I could get from God at this time. Even/especially if His plan for me is to leave this earth. Which of God’s laws am I not following? How can I become more obedient, more worthy? I realized (with a little excitement) I was being forced in a sense to wake up and look inside myself and ask as Alma, “Have I spiritually been born of God today?” I could feel the beginnings of my own change of heart and was so grateful for the reminder.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Paul talked about ways our family had been prepared for this and different strengths and talents each family member had that could help me whip this disease. He expressed his feelings that we all need to start making life changes and participate in this journey of healing with Tenille. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I don’t think any of the girls could talk because we are all bawl babies, but a member from each family offered love, service, and encouragement. Dad and Mom both talked after everyone was done. Mom expressed love and faith in each one of us and the Savior and said she would be here to help at a moment’s notice whatever time of day or night I needed her. How grateful I am to have her as my mother. Dad talked about the many times in our lives when our family had pulled together and fasted and prayed for miracles and they had come. He had no doubt that if we all pooled our faith, energy, and talents I would get through this. He expressed love for me and the family and his complete faith in my coming through on top. I was blessed as a young girl to witness many miracles in response to faith, fasting, and prayer and I loved my Dad today once again as he rallied his children together for another miracle.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> This was a such a wonderful experience and I realized how blessed I am to have this eternal family who loves me and is willing to sacrifice for me. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shaun and I both felt a renewed faith and hope when this call had ended. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was reminded how blessed I am to have the gospel of Jesus Christ and know about the promised blessings and power that is available to me as I follow Him. </span></div>
<br />Farr Familyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01891475605382570454noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-916559329471367116.post-78573369794106334082014-10-15T12:35:00.001-07:002014-10-16T11:29:18.640-07:00The Beginning<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #20124d;"> </span>I'm not quite sure how to start this blog, but I want to say that I feel a huge pull to keep it. In fact, I think this may one of the most important things I do with this whole experience. I don't understand all of the whys of the situation I currently find myself in and the whys of how we have been inspired to deal with it, but I do know that Heavenly Father is guiding me everyday. I find hope in that knowledge everyday and know that as I look to the Savior, feast on his words, and constantly seek to know his will, we will all come through it stronger and closer to the Savior. And for that I am so grateful. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Arial; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So lets just start at the beginning. One Sunday in early August we had been at Grandpa Fairbanks house for Sunday dinner and on the way home I noticed a couple marble sized lumps in my neck. They were on the side below my left ear just above my collar bone. I mentioned it to Shaun but really figured it was some lymph nodes and thought I’d just run it past my midwife at my next appointment that next week. I had also been experiencing a little shortness of breath it kinda felt like I was catching a little pneumonia but it only happened at night when I was laying down specifically on my side. I at first thought maybe I'm getting sick but then I thought it might be pregnancy, however I was only 4 months pregnant so I shouldn’t be experiencing shortness of breath yet. Anyway I made a mental note to talk to my midwife about that also. One last thing I had been experiencing for a while was a full body itch. I have had this itch for over a year but thought it was just dry skin or something. I had exhausted everything I or anyone around me could think of to fix it and had heard a couple times that poor liver function could result in a bad itch. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anyway on August 12, I made it to my midwives and she told me that she would like me to go and get these little lumps checked out. She thought my lungs sounded good so she was uncertain about the raspy breathing at night. Friday August 15 I had an appointment with our family Practicionaer Dr. Takasaki, who is also in our ward. He checked out the lumps and thought they were just lymph nodes and didn’t hear anything in my lungs so he thought it might be acid reflux. This is common in women at night and can have the same symptoms. So he said watch the lumps and then he told me that often the lumps on the side above the colar bone are often just swollen lymph nodes but the when you find them towards the front right on top of the clavical you get a little worried. So I went home feeling relieved about the lumps but really feeling like acid reflux was not what was going on in my chest. I just couldn’t figure why they couldn’t hear what I was feeling. It felt so raspy. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That night I was telling Shaun about my appointment and the doubts I had about the nightly cough. I then I was showing him where the lumps are that really worry them and I found this huge 1+ inch lump. It was so big when I turned my head you could see it sticking out. I wondered how in the heck the Doc and I had missed that. Shaun also reminded me that I had not menitioned to the Doc my crazy year long itch. So on Sunday after church I pulled Dr. Takasaki aside and showed him my new found lump and also told him about my itch. He told me he wanted me to come in and get a blood test and these checked out again ASAP. So Tuesday August 19 I went in and Dr. Takasaki checked them again and this time he felt a lot more lumps ordered blood tests and an ultrasound. He also said that when I about 26 weeks along he would like to do a chest x-ray. So off I went to take blood (keep in mind I was all alone. Shaun had stayed home from work sick that day and I thought I was getting my blood drawn so I left our 3 year old with him). Right after my blood draw I went across the parking lot for my ultrasound.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">And this is where I got a little scared. The Ultrasoundographer :) was super kind but he couldn’t help himself I guess because he kept making comments like, “Oh hunny I don’t have enough fingers to count all the lumps I see,” or “This didnt just appear Friday this has been growing for awhile” and “These things are lighting up like a Christmas tree.” I know they aren’t supposed to talk and I don’t want to get him trouble because he was very good and sweet. I asked him, "So have you seen lumps like this that have just been swollen lymph nodes?" After deep blown out breath he said, “Yes. But don’t ask me anything else.” I think that was when I really knew for sure t</span><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">hat I had cancer. I had felt that it was very likely when I found the lump on Friday night but I knew in the ultrasound room and the tears quietly trickled down my cheeks. When the ultrasound was finished he explained to me when they light up that means they are very fleshy and active. He had noted 10 lumps big enough to take note of and many other little ones. I also had a small lump on thyroid which may or may not have anything to do with anything. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">I walked out of that room feeling very heavy and scared. I received a phone call on my way out the door from Dr. Takasaki telling me that he wanted me to do a chest x-ray right now. He had done a little research and it was safe for my baby and he felt like we really needed that info. So I went to the x-ray room and the nice girl had me change into my gown top while she preped everything. When I came out I said, "Now, you know I'm pregnant, right? I was told you had protective shield to put over my tummy." She said, “No I didn’t know that. This must be really important for them to do an x-ray while you're pregnant.” Well that opened the flood gates and I was a mess. I really wanted Shaun to be there at that moment. She felt so bad and was like, “Oh no your baby will be fine this is just the same as living 4 days on earth. It’s very little radiation." I told her I was sorry- just too many tests today for a pregnant lady. She did the x-ray and I was finally able to head home and wait. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 1.15; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I walked in the door Shaun was there to greet me and I just threw my arms around him and cried. I knew I had cancer and I DIDN’T WANT IT and I was scared. Shaun is always really good at calming things down and playing the positive part. He calmed me down and said, "Hey, let's just wait and see what they say. Maybe it’s nothing and if it’s cancer then we’ll beat it." I was so grateful for him at that moment I knew he was right-- we, us, together would beat it. I wasn’t alone. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well we waited and that night Dr. Takasaki called said he was ordering a biopsy of the big lump in my neck and he would set the appointment up. The appointment was made for the next day August 20 to see Dr. Gibb, an ear, nose, and throat specialist. We were told the procedure was pretty easy. They would just stick a needle in my neck and take out a sample of the lump to get tested. When we got there after waiting 45 minutes to get in, Dr. Gibb talked to us about the lump and all the procedures done so far and said, "Ok, well we'll get you set to have this taken out at the hospital." We told him we thought this was just a little pin prick. He said he needed to take the whole thing out to get a good biopsy and that we would need to do it at a hospital because I’m pregnant and would be under anesthisia. I was so tired of going from doc appointment to doc appointment at that time; I just wanted to know for sure if I had cancer and get on with my life. Little did I know what was in store for me. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That day Shauns parents came into town from AZ. They were headed right up to Salt Lake to stay for the next 2 days for a wedding and to see Grandpa Fairbanks. Also, my sister and her husband Jeff were coming into town to stay for the next few days for work and a wedding. It was so nice to have a few things to keep our minds busy until the surgery. Also, it was so nice to Angie there to talk to about it. We talked about how Shaun and I both knew I had cancer. She felt like something was wrong but didn’t think it was cancer. She thought maybe it was my liver or something. We cried and laughed about all the what ifs and I was reminded how blessed I am that I have family who would strengthen and bless me in whatever trial I was given. She also had this new beautiful little baby girl who reminded me of the amazing blessing and miracle of life that was growing inside of me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLvQVz4YOud26THpMrBH7luT4gDc8FGUmN_wB-wORUlFoP-da-Knw25krRkZWgstbJ8QrMeH8dR-V1unJ4O6vAbYIerKrWnXdM2A_SiX3Dw-htNqEyKVMty-7JXY4K96tEiFZFhkOAysvF/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLvQVz4YOud26THpMrBH7luT4gDc8FGUmN_wB-wORUlFoP-da-Knw25krRkZWgstbJ8QrMeH8dR-V1unJ4O6vAbYIerKrWnXdM2A_SiX3Dw-htNqEyKVMty-7JXY4K96tEiFZFhkOAysvF/s1600/photo.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">That was something I absolutely could rejoice in and I knew this baby I was carrying was strong and wanted to and would get here safely. These feelings brought me so much strength. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Thursday night Shaun’s mom and dad came back. Shaun had met them in Orem for dinner with all of Nancy’s siblings and he told them all the things we were going through. They came back to the house with him that night to stay the rest of weekend. Shaun, Vince, and Jeff gave me a priesthood blessing that night that was so full of personal revelation. I knew at the end of the blessing that I for sure had cancer or some health trial that was going to come from all of this. I knew that Heavenly Father was aware of me and that my baby would get here safely. I knew that it was going to be hard and a trial of my faith. Shaun blessed me that I would know and feel the love and strength that comes from family and friends and that I would draw on that strength. He blessed me that I would still be able to fulfill all of roles as a mother and a wife. He blessed me that I would find a way to heal my body and prepare for this little baby coming to our home. He said that through this experience I would come to know the Savior better and that I would rely on him and strengthen my relationship with him. It was one of the most spiritual blessings I have ever had. That night in our room I told Shaun I knew from his blessing that I had cancer. We both felt the same way but this time we had great faith and strength from heaven that all would be well-- and as scary as it may be we were ready for the journey together. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The next day on Friday August 22 at 6:30am we left Angie and Shaun's parents in charge of getting our kids off to school and watching Lincoln. We headed to the hospital for the biopsy. I was so ready to get this done but I was kinda scared becasue of the anethesia and being prego. I was just praying I wouldn’t have to go all the way out. Heck, I had a C-section and didn’t have to go all the way out-- why couldn’t they take a little lump out of my neck the same way?. We got right back when we arrived and they gave me a cute little outfit to put on, took all my vitals and some blood, and then we waited for the doc. </span></span><br />
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The robe they had me put on was really cool. It wasn’t like the cotton gowns you're used to but it was all very heavy layered paper with little plastic holes in it. I thought it was so wierd but the nurse came in and told us that they have done studies and concluded that people heal and recover faster if they are warm when they have surgery. Sso she stuck this hose in one of the plastic holes and handed me this little remote that controled how much hot air blew into it. Holy cow, can I take one of those home with me. I was in heaven. Dr. Gibb finally came in and told us what we could expect with the surgery and that the anesthsiologist had ordered me to go all the way under. He told me that he would be in soon and I could discuss this with him. The anethesiologist came in and he told me that there were three medicines that he could use on me for just a local or that would make me out of it but not under completely. One of them would not be strong enough for the amout of digging in the neck and its just too dangerous when they are working so close to arteries and stuff to have me move or be in any pain. The other two were not safe for baby. So the one he was going to use was very safe for baby and me. I felt a little better but emotions were running high so right after he left they started wheeling me to the operating room, without Shaun, and my tears started flowing. <br />
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The operating room was freezing like always. They gave me some oxygen because I was laying on my back and they wanted to make sure the baby had plenty of O2. I was still crying just a little and didn’t even know why. I told them I was sorry I was so emtional and nervous and the Dr. said, “It's ok honey, I have something that will help with that. Why don’t you count for me.” Well I remember saying 10, 9, 8 and bam- I was gone. I woke up coughing and gagging because they had had a huge tube down my throat and really scratched it up. I could hardly breath and of course I woke the same as when I fell asleep-- a little emotional. They wheeled me back to the room to be with Shaun and hooked my warmer up and of course Shaun was all the soothing I needed. I calmed right down and went back to sleep. I think Shaun was ready to get out of there because after a bit he was trying to get me to wake up. I finally woke up and realized how many muscles I use in my neck when trying to do anything. It really hurt. I was determined not to take any pain pills. I felt like my baby had already had enough for one day and it’s little heart rate had gone down so I was going to tough it out. <br />
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Well after they had determined I could use the restroom, my pain was ok, and I wasn’t throwing up, they let me go home. It was good to be home and I pretty much just sat around for the rest of the weekend trying not to use my neck muscles. Nights were the worst when I tried to turn over or sit up in bed or even get out bed. This little cut sure was annoying. We were so blessed to have Shaun's parents there all weekend. They were such a help and my kids loved having them and they made sure I didn’t lift a finger. I'd say I was pretty spoiled for such a minor surgery. <br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Nancy and Vince went home Sunday morning and on Monday we awaited anxiously for any news. My mom and dad came from Idaho around 5pm and we had given up on receiving any news. We were all outside pulling weeds trying to get a few things done around the house when a couple from our old ward stopped by to look at a car we had for sale. They were just about to take it for a test drive when our doctor showed up. Shaun and I looked at each other with knowing eyes and I could see the fear in my moms face. Shaun sent the couple on the drive and Shaun and I and Mom and Dad went into the living room.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Poor Dr. Takasaki was really struggling I could tell so I already having been prepared by the spirit for this news, decided to make it easier on him. I said with a smile, “It must not be that great of news if you came all the way here to tell us.” He gave us his most remorseful smile and said, “No. You have Hodgkins Lymphoma.” Then he told us that they knew it was stage 2 already because it was in 2 places and they would like me to meet with an oncologist ASAP to do more tests and make sure it wasn’t anywhere else in my body. He told me that it would probably be smart to meet with an OB specialist too since I might have to deliver my baby early to receive treatment. He said nowadays they can deliver babies at 28 weeks pretty safely. Wow, my mind was reeling at all the information he was giving and how much my life was about to change. But Shaun grabbed my hand and thanked the doctor and said, “Well, we are going to beat this thing.” I don’t think my parents felt the same peace at the point as Shaun and I did judging by their faces. But I really did feal peace. At that moment there was no tears and I was so grateful I was had been prepared before. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I won’t lie-- after an hour of discussing and speculating, the tears did come as I thought about having my baby so early and all the risk involved in that. I was pretty determined at that moment that I was going to do everything I could to try and get my baby very safely not just pretty safely. I was going to fight this cancer every way I knew how without chemo. That night Shaun I kneeled down to pray together. Once again the peace came as I heard Shaun confidently thank Heavenly Father for all our blessings and ask him to guide us as we seek out all the options available for fighting this disease and that we would know what path to take. Can I just tell you that I fell in love with my husband all over again? I felt his role as protector in our home and in our marriage shine through. I was so grateful for the power, faith, and hope I felt as he prayed. I could feel heaven already surrounding us as we faced the future.</span></span></div>
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