Band of Sisters

As I mentioned before I was a little uneasy being alone for the first time in Colorado and I had to sing a little hymn to quiet my nerves when the lights went out.  I said a little prayer and immediately felt a sense that I was not alone.  I felt or maybe the right word is remembered that I had guardian angels surrounding me. I could feel the peace they brought and I slept…In fact I slept better than I had slept in a very long time.   I was enjoying it so much that when my alarm went off I shut it off and went right on sleeping for about 45 minutes longer, because I could (ha ha).  I had made a list the night before of all the things I wanted to do while I had this time.  I felt Heavenly Father had given me some sacred time to grow and learn and I wanted to take full advantage of it.  I needed to refocus my goals and time.  So after my 45 minute nap (wink) I jumped up, took my herbs, put a load of laundry in, turned on a little motab (I love motab), juiced, made a green smoothie, changed, and headed down to read in the only sun of the day.  It was a little cloudy out so I’m sure I looked a little crazy sitting out by a closed pool but I got about 30 minutes before the clouds really came rolling in.  My work out was great and just as I was about to finish I received a text from the YW president in my ward inviting me to join, via face time, our presidency meeting.  It was so good to hear about all the girls and feel apart of the ward from far away.  I love the people in my ward and especially the Young Women.  I knew this experience was going to help me gain so much that would help me in my callings and every other aspect of my life. 

After the meeting I headed up to my apartment, drank another quart of juiced veggies, showered and got ready for the day, and began my studies.  I have been reading and studying about the healing power of the sun.   The sun has been used for years to heal the body.  “studies reveal that exposing patients to controlled amounts of sunlight dramatically lowered elevated blood pressure, decreased cholesterol in the bloodstream, lowered abnormally high blood sugar in diabetics, and increased the number of white blood cells which people need to help resist disease.  Sunlight therapy even increases cardiac output and oxygen carrying capacity of the blood. Patients suffering from gout, rheumatoid arthritis, colitis, arteriosclerosis, anemia, cystitis, eczema, acne, psoriasis, herpes, lupus sciatica, kidney problems, asthma, and even burns, have all received great benefits from the sun.” (Heal Yourself with Sunlight, by Andreas Moritz p.7)  I also read how the places in the world where UV rays are greatest have the lowest amount of skin cancer and most skin cancers occurs in people who never see the sun and occurs in places on the body that don’t normally see the sun.  This book was fascinating it  talked about how harmful to the body normal sunscreen can be.  I am just barely getting into how it helps rid the body of cancer but I did learn that UV rays activate antibodies that attack tumors.  So I guess my 20 minutes of sunlight should not be lightly dismissed. 

One other thing I found myself thinking a lot about was how to get home.  I knew that 6 weeks was not enough to get my baby here or get rid of the cancer, and I really didn’t want to be away much longer.  So I was brainstorming every possible thing to help me get home and get healthy.  Some of those things included: how to make a mushroom tincture (I had  some mushroom herbs that had been used in many places of the world to help treat cancer and I needed them made into a tincture) but how,  I also wanted to get a bill on the floor during  government session in Utah,  I wanted to start contacting people in DC about what it would take to reschedule Cannabis. It is a schedule 1 drug, which means it is defined as having no medicinal value or benefit and no money can be granted to study any positive effects it could have…only negative ones.  I had no idea what any of this would in tale or even what it looked like and I’m afraid my week at Idaho Girls State was not sufficient in preparing me. I was planning on going to California at the end of 6 weeks and I needed a place to live and a medical card.  I was very stressed about food.  I knew when I came home I would be eating totally different and I wasn’t sure if I knew how to do it.  I needed to find good healthy recipes that met my eating standards.  I was feeling overwhelmed…I shared this with a few members of my family and they suggested we divide and conquer.  By 9:30 pm I had a great team of brilliant women on a conference call ready to help me.  This group included my mom, sisters, sister-in-laws and two close friends.  These ladies are some of the most talented and strongest women I have ever met and they all had different talents, which proved so helpful.  I shared with them my desires and wondered if any of them had connections or ideas that could help me.  That was all I had to say- in the next few minutes we a had a plan.  Natalie, Whitney, and Amy agreed to start writing a letter about a bill and research the path to getting a medicinal card. Lisa was going to start compiling healthy recipes, Niki was going to do some research on making a tincture and relay the info to me so I could make it (I had very spotty internet if I had any most of the time), and Crystal, Angie, and Amanda asked me if there was anything at home I was worried about…I was.  Bryant was in a challenging math class and often needed some extra help and his 12th birthday was coming up and I wanted to make it special even though I wouldn’t be there on the day.  Crystal agreed to call home and help Bryant with his math (Crystal graduated with a BA in Math Ed.), Angie was going to design Bryants Birthday invitations and Amanda was going to check at home with mom to see what her needs were.  I felt so loved and I knew that the part in my blessing given from Shaun had just come to pass as I felt love from family and friends.  I had a huge weight taken off my shoulders and I saw how “through small and simple things are great things brought to pass” Alma 37:6.  This was my Band of Sisters and I was so grateful for them.

Colorado or Bust

September, 2014

As soon as I arrived home from Las Vegas, Mom was there waiting for us. Since I had decided on my trip that I would use cannabis, I made plans to move to Colorado for 6 weeks and juice cannabis leaf.

I decided to Juice the leaves initially because as I studied cannabis I learned about a Doctor from California named Dr. William Courtney who had studied cannabis in its raw form for years and found it to have huge dietary benefits/ preventative qualities, and some studies showed that juicing also had the ability to cause apoptosis (death) of some cancer cells. Studies showed Juicing the cannabis leaf help all 210 types of cells function more effectively, it's an anti-inflammatory, it's loaded with antioxidants, a complete protein, improves bone metabolism, boost neural function, and even has a perfect balance of Omega 3's and 6's. It is completely non-psychoactive, this is because it doesn't have the psychoactive form of THC in it. It only has the acid form which is THCA and studies show qualities that this in fact would help strengthen my immune system.  After all my studying I knew that this was what I needed/wanted to do.

Colorado was obviously my best option as far as legal states. Besides being close I could juice there legally immediately because it is a recreational state. The biggest reason however was that we had been connected to a grower who was able and willing to give us leaves to juice. They are typically thrown away because juicing is not something that very many people know about or do because it provides no high and has no immediate pain relief. The Juicing of cannabis leaves was a very new concept so finding a grower that was willing to take the necessary steps to legally give me leaves was such a blessing.

These Leaves would yield about 1.5 oz. of juice

I packed my bags and I was off. I decided to take Lincoln (my 3 year old) with me so I wouldn’t be lonely and things would be a little easier for mom and Shaun. Shaun drove us to Colorado and helped us get settled. He could only stay one night because he had a business trip in Texas the next day. We were so busy getting the apartment set up, shopping for food, meeting with the grower, and making sure I had everything that I didn't even have time to think about what was really happening. When tomorrow came and he flew away I had a flood of emotions: anger, loneliness, hope, gratitude, and LOTS of FEAR!! I just sat in the car with Lincoln and cried a good long cry.

All Packed Up

The apartment I was staying in belonged to a friend of Rachel’s. She was currently on her own journey with cannabis. She was going to be gone for 6 weeks and said as she left her apartment, she had the thought, “Is my house clean? I have a feeling someone is coming to heal here.” Later that day, Rachel called her about me and she immediataley offered her apartment. It was perfect.

My Colorado Apartment

The first Sunday was a terrible day. I woke up all alone and had to pack up my little boy and find where the church was. No one knew me; I wasn’t sure if I wanted tell anyone what I was doing in Colorado, not because it was wrong but because I didn't know if they would judge me and I didn't have the emotional strength to explain it to everyone. It felt odd knowing this would be my life for a while. Lincoln was so excited to meet friends but I didn’t want to meet anyone. Here I was, walking into church, pregnant, with a kid, and my wedding ring doesn’t fit...Awesome.

It didn't take longer than the opening song to realized that church was exactly the boost I needed. Taking the sacrament, hearing people’s testimonies, and yes even meeting new people provided the strength to get through the week. Everyone was so kind and I never once felt judged. Going to church and being part of a ward family turned out to be one of the greatest blessings to both me and Lincoln throughout our stay.

A visit to the Denver Temple Grounds

Lincoln and I settled into a routine. Breakfast in the morning, cartoons on the iPad (if we could get service) while I juiced for 90 minutes and made green smoothies and all the drinks for the day. We’d get ready, eat lunch, I WOULD sit by the pool for my 20 minutes of sunlight While Lincoln waded around up to his knees in the closed kiddie pool and ran around chasing the squirrels. Then Linc would watch another video in the corner of the gym while I exercised. We’d come back home and I would do an enima (did I just say that) while he snacked and played with blocks or cars or colored in coloring books. After this we would usually run errands. We had to go to the store to get produce every other day for juicing and we would also have to pick up my leaves.

Green smoothies, Beets, Carrots, and Celery

Lincoln  playing with his toys

After only a couple weeks, Lincoln began wanting to go home. The schedule was boring him, he wanted to see his brothers and Dad, play with his toys and sleep in his own bed. It made me sad that he wanted to go home, but admittedly I often felt frustrated and guilty when he didn't want to do the things I needed to do. I felt bad he was having to live this crazy life with me. We met a cute couple at church who lived in our complex. They were so sweet and had a boy Lincoln’s age. Lincoln played there a few times and that was really fun for him. I hoped that would help break up the monotony enough to get him to stay but he still wanted to go home.

I half heartedly began searching for a plane ticket for Lincoln. I knew we needed to save money and I was nervous about sending him home because I wasn’t there and he was so little. What if he changed his mind once he got there? I was also worried about Mom doing everything plus taking care of an active 3 year old.  

After talking it over with Shaun, Mom and Heavenly Father...I had made my decision. I was going to put Lincoln on a plane back to Utah.  

...........

I started looking more intently at flights. Lincoln would talk about going home everyday...he was so excited. Shaun was actually coming out on Friday the 26th but the flights were really pricey less than 2 weeks out. I was praying that something would open up. I had a friend that was flying from Denver to Utah in just a couple days and the flights with his airline were slightly cheaper but still $400. So I passed it up. Another good friend of mine, Lisa, had a brother who is pilot for Delta and his headquarters where in Denver but his family lives in Utah. He offered to give Linc a standby ticket and be his escort. It worked perfectly since he was flying standby also and Deltas rules required minors to be accompanied by an adult who worked for Delta. It seemed perfect and even better it was only $80..woot woot. We were so excited. I thought that was the spirit confirming our decision but maybe it was just the cheep bone in me rejoicing.

So the day came...September 24th, Linc was so excited. We packed up his bag and he kept saying how he felt bad I was going to be in Colorado all alone and that he was going to miss me but he really wanted to see his brothers and Dad. I assured him I would be fine and that we could FaceTime everyday. I won't lie I was dying a little at the thought of not having him with me but it was time for him to go home.

We were meeting Greg at the airport for the 2:50pm flight. Greg had told us that it was not a guarantee that we would get on, but I had full confidence that this was the right thing to do and besides Shaun and I had used buddy passes when we were dating many times and not once had either of us not made it on a flight. Surely we would get on today. Well we missed getting on the 2:50 flight barely and we were now waiting for the 5:45pm flight. Greg was so great...he could have gotten on 2 or 3 other flights home with other airlines, which is what his co-workers did, but he waited patiently with us. I heard him talking to his wife and come to find out his son was getting his Arrow of Light that night at 7pm...The 5:45 flight was going to be a stretch. Well we watched the flight and it looked really good. Lincoln had fallen asleep so I was just hanging out studying.  

Lincoln waiting patiently to Fly Hone to see his Brothers

While waiting I received a phone call from Bryant. He was struggling with a few decisions that needed to be made and me being gone required sacrifices of us all. It was an emotional moment for us both. I tried desperately to be strong for him, both of us trying to recognize the lessons Heavenly Father was trying to teach us, and me trying to not look a mess in front of Greg and everyone else at the airport. We talked it all over, made some phone calls and seemed to come to a conclusion that was mostly satisfying. Then I had the strongest impression to talk to Bryant about turning to the Savior for comfort and strength. I knew that this was not going to be the last time and probably not even close to the hardest thing he would deal with in the coming months and years. I would not always be able to make it better and sometimes it will seem no one can, but I knew the Savior could. I told him that I was getting the same crash course and when I turned the Savior I found my greatest peace. We talked about the steps we could both take when we are feeling lonely, lost, confused,etc... It was such a sweet conversation and tender mercy for us both, but the ache in this mothers bones to hold and be there for my son was real.

Meanwhile back at the airport the flight was fast approaching, we were still on the list and looking good. However about 10 min before we were to board 3 people who were on the 7pm flight showed up and asked if they could switch their tickets to the earlier flight...BAM just like that our flight was gone. I tried so hard to just smile and say it was fine as Greg prepared to board his flight. He had a seat in the cockpit on the jump seat. I went over to the ticket counter just to make sure there was nothing I could do, I even asked if I could just buy a ticket but the flight was completely full. When the ticket counter realized the situation they were so sympathetic and tried so hard to make it happen but it was no use. Greg flew away and unless there was another employee of Delta that was willing to escort Linc to Salt Lake there was no way for him to get on the next flight either. They told us to wait a bit while they worked to see what they could do. In the mean time I went over to Lincoln who had just woken up and his first words were, "Mommy is it time for me to get on my plane and fly home and see Daddy?" I told him that the plane was too full and so he was going to get to stay with me for awhile longer. He immediately started crying. Are you seeing this pathetic sight...? Highly emotional pregnant mom, 3 year old son sobbing and saying, "I want to go home" over and over, pregnant mom not making eye contact with anyone while trying to quickly gather her things, and quiet her son by offering anything that would make staying with me sound more fun.

The guy at the ticket counter grabbed us on our way out and told us that he had worked out a way for Lincoln to get a ticket on Shaun's flight home on Sunday for the cheapest ticket price of $200 along with refunding our standby seat. I was so excited and bought it immediately. As we walked off we heard them call for Lincoln Farr as a standby passenger for the 7pm flight. I asked practically out loud, "What am I possibly supposed to learn from this? I've been humbled to the ground what more do I need to do?" Leaving the airport my feelings were a good mix of exhaustion, frustration, anger, and a little gratitude for the ticket. Back at the apartment as I was fixing us some dinner and watching Lincoln play with his toys and I saw him smile, a peace came over me and I thought, I have no I idea why all of this happened today or why any of it has to happen at all but it did and Tenille you can "Be Still and Know that I am God." I realized he is in the details and I need to have faith and Be Still just as I had admonished Bryant to do this very day. As I went to bed I was so grateful to have that little man next to me to snuggle one last night and felt the comfort of the Savior coming and and giving me the strength to fight again tomorrow with greater Faith and Love.  
.....

It was like Christmas Eve Anticipating Shaun's arrival. What a ray of sunshine he brought to both Lincoln and I. It was so great...and he did all my juicing, made my healthy meals, we went to the movies and out to dinner, we talked about all the things going on at home and prayed together about our future moves, we went to church and then just like that it was over. I was off to the airport to see them go. But his visit was so energizing and reminded me of all the things at home I was fighting for. So even though that first night alone in the dark of my apartment I had to sing a hymn to get to sleep I was ready to face tomorrow.

Cannabis in Utah: Why I'm not worried

As many of you know,  I have been working to help Senator Madsen pass the medical Marijuana bill in Utah.  I used cannabis oil after discovering I had Hodgkins Lymphoma in August 2014.  I was 16 weeks pregnant at the time and was trying to keep my cancer from growing long enough to get my baby here safely.  I left my family to live in Colorado and California so I could legally treat myself with cannabis.  During this time I studied, attended conferences, talked to many doctors across the country, spoke with church leaders, and met many patients who have used cannabis to successfully treat their medical issues.  I realized this plant has been hugely misunderstood and abused. It is an amazing medicine that we need desperately.  Here are a few things I experienced first hand about medical cannabis:

*Cannabis can help dramatically with pain, appetite, sleep, and nausea without the side effects and extreme addiction of opiates and many prescription drugs.  

*It is impossible to overdose on cannabis (and in the pain medication world, that’s really saying something).  

*Smoking is the most ineffective way to use cannabis. Smoking it puts harmful substances into your body and burns alot of the medicine off. But there are many safe and powerful ways to use this plant-- as an oil under your tongue, in a capsule or tincture,  as a salve to rub on your joints or cancerous sun spots, as a powder in your bath before bed to help with insomnia, as a food or vapor for pain relief, as a juice, and much more.

Contrast that with chemotherapy, which I am currently on.  Chemo can kill cancer, and I am so grateful for that. But it also kills all my healthy cells, compromises my immune system, hurts my lungs, heart, and liver (and a host of other things), and causes me severe nausea, constipation, insomnia, mouth sores, and neuropathy.  To counter these side effects, doctors prescribe many different kinds of addictive drugs (including synthetic heroin and opiates) that cause MORE constipation, severe stomach aches, and are highly addictive.  And according my oncologist, sometimes they don’t even work.  

Think of that for one minute. We prescribe and take harmful, addictive, and deadly drugs without a second thought-- simply because they have a sticker with a doctor’s name on it and come in an expensive bottle.  And cannabis--which is not deadly, and is only as addictive as caffeine for most people, and has been a medicine since the beginning of time for every doctor or medicine man in the world-- is not available to us.  And coincidentally, cannabis helps nausea, appetite, neuropathy, insomnia, and constipation.

Cannabis has worked miracles in my life. This is why I have fought a roller coaster of a fight for its legalization in Utah. On Friday, that roller coaster took a new turn. I learned that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints opposes Senator Mark Madsen’s Medical Cannabis bill.  The official statement was... “As we have said during previous legislative sessions, there are a number of potential impacts that must be considered in any discussion about the legalization of medical marijuana, including balancing medical need with the necessity of responsible controls.  Along with others, we have expressed concern about the unintended consequences that may accompany the legalization of medical marijuana.  We have expressed opposition to Senator Madsen’s bill because of that concern.”  

For this reason I am taking a step back and will not be advocating for the bill at this time. I would like to explain why. Do I still believe in cannabis? YES. Has it blessed my life? YES. Was it right for me to take it? YES. Do I still want it to be legalized in Utah? YES.

However, I will trust the leaders of the church who feel like now is not that time or at least a little bit slower approach is necessary.

Following the prophet has not always been popular or easy. It has not always made immediate sense. But I trust it is always right. Throughout my entire journey I have made decisions others do not agree with. I have had to rely over and over on the spirit and not worry about what people thought about me, or who I was disappointing, or who I would like to please. There are many things I don’t understand about politics or policy, or how religion plays into them. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my journey with cancer, it is how to follow the spirit. That’s what I’m doing now.

I know cannabis has much to offer the medical world and strongly believe the church feels the same way.  I support those who are still fighting for the bill, but I simply have to trust that for some reason right now the Lord is asking me step back.  Maybe to test my faith; maybe to protect us from “unintended consequences” that a prophet of God sees better than I. Whatever the reason, I have learned so much.  I will continue to educate others about cannabis and pray that the appropriate time for medical cannabis in Utah comes sooner rather than later.  I am disappointed that time is not now. But I’m not worried. I’ve seen too much to doubt God knows what He’s doing.

Las Vegas: Going Home

September 8, 2014

On Monday morning we met Rachel at her store to pick up all of the herbs. She did some "face reading" on all of us and prescribed the herbs we needed according to the lines and colors on our faces. It was fascinating. It took us a few hours (much longer than we had planned on being there). When we had finished, Rachel took a phone call in another room. When she returned she said, “I know why you guys are still here. My friend, a tibetan monk, just called me and said, “Ok, I’m in Las Vegas. What am I doing here?” Rachel told him he had been led there to help me.

He came right over to the store and I learned a little of his story. When he was younger he played on a professional soccer team in a south american country. One day the team was traveling through a terrible storm on a windy mountain road. The bus slipped off the road and rolled. Many on the bus died and he was severely crushed and injured. His parents immediately took him to Tibet to be healed- and while he was there recovering, he learned the art of healing himself.

When he came to the store he did this amazing acupuncture on my back with these little patches that ran on batteries. They felt so awesome. My back was in really bad shape from the drive down (my discs were bulging) and it was just what I needed. He took all of my back pain away.

After that he checked all of my meridians and energy lines and organs. He balanced my organs with the right energy. My liver and kidneys, for example, were deficient in good energy. I could feel it. He did this test on my kidneys that I could only perform all the way after he was done working on me.

Then he talked about angels.

He talked to me about my aura. He asked, “Have you recently lost a grandparent?” I said, “Well, Grandma Fairbanks died not too long ago.” He said, “I think she’s here. Well, actually, you have lots of grandparents here. Have you lost a baby?” I said, “I’ve had a miscarriage.” He said, “I think he’s one of your main protectors.”

He told me, “You’re totally going to whip this cancer, you’re going to live! You’re going to beat this. He said, “Go to the mountain. Often. Touch it. Walk in the water.” He talked to me about how there is so much power within my body to heal myself.

After we said our goodbyes, we were back on the road. As we got into our car it started to downpour. About 45 minutes out of town Traffic stopped. The road closed because it had been damaged in the storm. We kept thinking, “What is the purpose in this?” During the stop, people were getting in and out of their cars and chatting with each other. One woman approached our car to exchange small talk. In the conversation she casually told us about a pill called Military Micronutrient Formula that her friend used to cure her Hodgkins Lymphoma. I started crying, then told her I have Hodgkins.

I remember thinking that Heavenly Father was aware of me. It was such a big deal to me to consider cannibas. So all of these little details and miracles were testaments to me that this was His will.

After 2 hours of waiting they turned us all around. We stayed in the Trump Tower that night and I was so happy to eat from their clean menu- everything organic and cage free. The next day we finally made it back home.

Las Vegas: A Change of Heart

September 7, 2014

I went to bed on Saturday with a very heavy heart. How could I even think about using cannabis? What was I even doing here? We had felt so good about coming; we felt like we had really been led here...but I couldn't wrap my mind around how this could possibly be right. On Sunday I woke up and my head was still whirling. I was really hoping to get answers soon.

We went to church that morning fasting and praying for direction. It was honestly one of the nicest wards I’ve ever been to. Everyone introduced themselves to us and helped us find our seats and were so welcoming. After church we met the stake president’s wife, Melanie (names changed). She has 6 kids and was just called to be the Primary President.

Oh, and she was using cannabis to fight brain cancer.

I couldn't believe it. Here we were, fasting and praying about cannabis...we walk into church and meet the stake president's wife who was using it. It seemed too big of a coincidence to not be a sign that Heavenly Father was aware of me and my questions and concerns.

I felt a bright goodness about Melanie as she briefly told me her story. Her brother is a doctor at the Mayo clinic so her entire family was very medically minded and against the “natural” way of healing. She talked about the importance of energy work, faith, and forgiveness in healing. She told me how every week her husband would drive their family to California so she could go see a special natural healing doctor. The doctor asked her, “Why do you want cancer? Something in your life has attracted this.” At first she was offended that he would suggest she wanted the cancer. But then she began to seriously consider if there really was a hidden part of her that wanted it. She could see things her life that probably did attract the disease. She said to me, “Your journey with cancer was going to be amazing. Be very grateful for it.” I was actually glad that someone was excited about it- it gave me a lot of hope. She said, “We decide on a cellular level if we will triumph. You must use the atonement on a cellular level.”

That night, Melanie and a few other ladies came over to Rachel’s and we did a one minute group meditation. This was new for me-- I can't say that I've ever meditated before. She asked us to picture a bright light coming out of us. I could not get a light out of me. I couldn’t form the picture in my head. She asked us to share our experience and I admitted it was hard for me to picture it. I could get sparks but not a lot of light to flow. She said as I practice I would get better at it. (It could also mean there are blockages I need to work through.)

Then she pulled out all of these yummy treats and foods that I could actually eat. I was so excited. There was beet kvass (I drank a whole quart), kambucha, and Rachels daughter made these amazing no bake cookies and baked potatoes that were so wonderful.

Drinking Beat Kvass and Kombucha

I met so many great women at Rachel's. Normal women, like me. Wives and mothers. Women who loved God. Women who struggled with health and had found help in something called cannabis. At the end of that night we had felt like Heavenly Father had really answered our prayers. I went home knowing that this was the direction I was going to go.

 

Las Vegas: Learning About Cannabis

Saturday. September 6, was another full day of amazing. It started out with an amazing healthy breakfast of raw oatmeal and eggs made by Amy.  Then back to the store to meet with Rachel and Becky where we learned about some natural herbs and how to make them into tinctures.  Rachel and Becky continued their education on things that help strengthen the body so the body has the tools and ability to heal itself.  

Then Rachel sent us to her daughter's house to learn about food.  We learned so much there.  She shared with us healthy alternatives to many foods and yummy treats that are healthy.  She said, "Remember not to be afraid of food if it’s given to us from God.  Just eat food from the earth."  She shared good substitutes for sugar, pastas, breads, ice cream, and then later she brought us some no bake cookies that were made out of all healthy things.  They were so good! After that we went back to Healing Waters for our second day of detox/healing.  

That evening there was a meeting at Rachel’s store called “What if Cannabis Cures Cancer."  Rachel had mentioned earlier a "cannabis leaf" that when juiced, had shown amazing results with many diseases including cancer.  I didn’t even know what she was talking about when she said cannabis.  I thought it was just another herb like yellow doc root that I had never heard of before.  I was star struck at her extensive knowledge and life experiences.  Amy and Niki and I looked at each other, buzzing about what cannabis was. 

Then we realized that what she was talking about was marijuana.  

“Holy cow,” I thought.  “Does she think I am going to do drugs? Could this really be true?”  All of the sudden the confirmation I had received yesterday was in question all over again.  “How could this be the right path?”  We decided that we needed to listen and really try to have an open mind and listen hard for the spirit to guide us.  I kept thinking, "The whole time I have been here I have felt the spirit so strongly confirming everything this amazing woman has shared with me.  When I look into her eyes, I see nothing but goodness and light.  How could she be suggesting I take marijuana??" I wan’t sure if I wanted to be stretched that much.

There were a lot of people at the meeting.  Some who had some amazing stories of how cannabis has saved them.  Others were there just like us-- wondering and learning about this plant that some are claiming to have amazing medicinal properties.  We watched a movie and it was incredible and eye opening!  It had doctors and scientist talking about the history of this plant and how it was used for years by every doctor around.  It was even used for colicky babies.  We learned about how it became outlawed and all the media and hype that quickly turned it into an evil and scary drug.  It showed all the properties and makeup and how it works in our body. 

We also learned about the many different ways to take it. I had assumed that the only way to take marijuana was to smoke it. But there are so many forms: juicing the leaves, taking the oil, vaporizing the flower-- there are even lotions and tinctures and candies. And not all forms make you "high." Smoking it is actually the worst form of ingesting the plant. It was pretty amazing and all very new to me.  It was a lot to take in.  

We talked to many people that night. One girl had OCD and couldn’t stop washing her hands.  She had rubbed her hands raw and couldn’t control it.  Someone told her to just smoke once a day.  She did and her OCD was practically gone.  WHAT?? How can this be right?  I'm seeing the proof...but this is marijuana.  If smoking is the worst form and it helped that much-- imagine what it could do in its best form.  We met people who had been in bed and in wheel chairs and now were out and off their heavy narcotics.  I was blown away.  Is there a possibility that this plant really could have a positive place in the medicinal world? Could this plant really heal my cancer just by juicing the leaves?  

We went home that night after some late night colonics with heavy hearts.  We all got on our knees and began a fast where we explained to the Lord all the amazing things we had felt and learned-- and also all the fears.  We knew this was not just a small decision about healing my cancer...it was much bigger.  If in fact this was true and what I was supposed to use, well….holy cow, what next!!?

While on our knees we pled with Heavenly Father. We asked him to please make our answer very clear. Is cannabis/marijuana an option for me to heal my cancer and is it ok for me to use?

Las Vegas: Learning about Food and Healing

On September 5th we arrived at Rachel’s herbal store in Las Vegas. We spent the next 2 hours with Rachel and her friend Becky learning about cancer, diet, herbs, and many other things.  They told us so many amazing stories about cancer survivors and had total confidence in our bodies ability to heal itself given the right tools.  It was amazing to look in their eyes and see no fear or doubt AT ALL that I could get rid of this cancer naturally.  They talked to me about the importance of me being on raw foods and not eating refined sugars.  They talked about many herbs we could take that would provide straight nutrients for our bodies.  They talked to us about the importance of faith-- both faith in the Savior and His atonement and faith in ourselves...keeping our minds positive and full of hope.    

We talked about the many people they had seen with cancer. So many would come to them after chemo with bodies that were weak and run down. Many of them had cancer for the second time and did not want to do chemo again.  Then there were those who wanted to go holistic, but because of family and friend pressures to do chemo, they could never commit to one route over another and finally end up sick. Then there were those who wanted to do the holistic route and were really committed.  Even though it was hard and required a lot of physical, spiritual, and emotional work they didn’t quit. They expressed how this was very much a personal journey and no matter what I chose they would support me and help me stay as healthy as possible.
 

It is hard to write in words all that was said and felt while we met with Rachel and Becky.  I felt like they were teaching us so much but at the same time the spirit was teaching me so much and confirming so much of what they were saying. I could see clearly the two paths before me and it was my choice.  I got very emotional and had to excuse myself.  As I walked away I understood that both options would be hard stretching and painful.  If I chose chemo I would come out just fine, stronger, and better...but if I chose this other path it would change me forever.  It would stretch me far beyond what I would think possible and it would hurt.  I would come out completely changed.  

My sister Niki walked over to see if I was ok I told her the feelings I was having.  I compared it to people I met on my church mission:

First, there were the people I taught who were wishy washy. They wanted to get baptized and recognized the goodness of the gospel but didn't want to let go of their old life and habits. They wanted all the blessing but the change was hard and a little scary. So they didn't commit and often fell away.

Then there were those who recognized this new path that was before them and they embraced it completely. They had prayed and gotten their answer that it was true and right and there was no looking back. Even when trials, temptation, and hardship came. They pushed through and in the end they were stronger and happier. They were changed.

Similarly, as I considered healing my cancer naturally, I could immediately see the good in this new path I knew it was right and what I was supposed to do. The feelings were so strong at that moment and I felt scared and had a huge desire to put one foot on each side of the line just for comfort and safety.  However, the spirit strongly confirmed to me that if I really wanted to experience the growth and change the Lord wanted for me, I should fully commit to the new path I was on. I needed this change. Now I'm not saying that chemo or any other path is not life changing for anyone else. I'm simply saying that this day the Lord had given me some choices- and only one would help mold ME into what Heavenly Father had in store for ME more than the other.

From that point on the day got more and more amazing.  Rachel took us to lunch at this amazing raw foods place.  She was so great showing us all the diamonds in the “eating raw” world.  Which I needed so badly because I was starving and felt like I would never be able enjoy food again.  She also told us she never puts anything in her mouth without praying over it, especially when she had cancer.  She had seen studies that showed how the molecular structure actually changes when you pray over it.  How blessed we are to have a loving Father in Heaven who even watches over the food we eat if we ask he can literally change it to nourish our bodies.  

Rachel then took us to a place called Healing Waters. It is this amazing title detox place. We did colonics, foot baths, and the hyperbaric chamber.  The hyperbaric chamber took all I had in me to get in.  It is an oxygen chamber that looks like a body bag. You get zipped in and they turn on the oxygen.  Cancer cannot survive in an oxygenated environment so I knew this was very good for me. That gave me the strength to let them zip up the bag.  After a while I was able to relax and it was like heaven.  Here are a couple pics.

The detox foot bath. Yep, all of this stuff came out of me.

The hyperbaric chamber.

After we finished our healing time at Healing Waters we headed to Rachel's house and met her amazing family. They fed me some ezekial bread, beat kvass (a probiotic drink that provides the body good bacteria and aids in digestion), and Kambucha-- which they called nature's soda pop. It is a fermented type drink, said to stimulate the immune system, prevent cancer, and improve digestion and liver function. Everything was so yummy. 

Rachel then took us to get massages. I had read (and Rachel confirmed) that massages were very good for me to have-- especially with Lymphatic cancer.    I was physically and emotionally drained and this was just what the doctor ordered. It was seriously one of the best massages I have ever had.

Afterwards, we we were all set with a place to stay on the strip. But when we told Rachel and Becky they freaked out just a little.  They told us that this was a healing time and explained that everything in the world has a frequency.  The higher the frequency the better it is for you. The strip obviously has a low frequency and had the potential to pull me down at a time when I especially needed to surround myself with high frequency things like love, gratitude, and the Savior. Obviously things missing on the strip. They wanted this weekend to be all about healing. I already knew about frequencies but hadn’t connected it with my healing.  So Becky offered her home to us.  She had recently lost her husband and lived alone.  She had a guest room that we were welcome to use.  Wow-- three strangers in her home. What a blessing.  

I went to bed that night exhausted but so grateful for the opportunity to meet people like Rachel and Becky. They taught me about faith, courage, and selflessness.  I was full of hope and gratitude.